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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26866858">All For my People: Earthkru</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/idontownit/pseuds/idontownit'>idontownit</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, M/M, Post-Season/Series Finale, Time Travel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:46:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>21,340</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26866858</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/idontownit/pseuds/idontownit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke is judged and found lacking. Her past decision have added up to a life not worth transcendence. The human race dies on her watch. Until Raven and Octavia stand in the face of immortal beings and opposing armies to defend her and their people. And so the test begins. "I would do it again." "We shall see."<br/>Raven gets her "more time."<br/>Endgame Bellarke. Raven and Octavia badassery. Clarke/ Murphy bonding. Very real Clarke. Semi dealing with trauma.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin/John Murphy, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), John Murphy/Raven Reyes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>124</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>May 12th 2281: Location Unknown</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Blinding light assaults her senses, somehow she can <em> taste </em> it. Sound filters through first, followed quickly by <em> purpose </em>. </p><p>“The first question is about love. So few species are given this gift; yet you have attempted to erase it in pursuit of this moment. Why?” </p><p>She prays that this is the first question. That he hasn’t already doomed them all. </p><p><em> Not him, anyone but him. </em> </p><p>The thought is clear and instinct takes over.</p><p>A single shot echoes in the cavernous space. It is deafening and momentous; more so than any she had ever taken. A hole appears in the center of Cadogan’s head, blood spattering across the being wearing his daughter’s face. It shows no reaction as he falls, unable to answer the question it had posed. </p><p>She steps forward, ignoring the being still standing there, pulling the trigger, again, and again, and again. Until the gun is empty and he lies there, as lifeless as he should have been over 200 years ago. As lifeless as her daughter, with her unblinking eyes and her still body, eternally frozen and unable to move. So she shoots again, and again, and again, and…</p><p>She looks up; it still stands there, unafraid yet clearly taken aback, a half-smile playing across its lips.</p><p>“Pencils down,” she says, <em> test over </em> she thinks. Confident and calm, unshakable and ignoring the doubts that flash through her as she stands before an immortal judge.</p><p><em> Had to be done. </em> </p><p>His voice in her head doesn’t seem out of place, it had been there for years after all. Never mind that there was nothing else left of him now, never mind that were he here he may have even killed her to stop this from happening, never mind that she had… </p><p>Blinking quickly she looked around but Cadogan’s daughter had disappeared without a trace leaving her alone on an empty walkway surrounded by an endless sky of purple hued stardust.</p><p>---</p><p>The view was great, but it got old quick and her people still needed her. </p><p><em> Madi </em>…</p><p>Pacing back and forth, she murmured to herself, “Why am I still here.”</p><p>“You know why,” just an echo, but she knew that voice. Barely a second for her to brace before turning.</p><p>“Lexa,” she breathes. And she’s running, without thought or hesitation; because isn’t it always Lexa? Even as her mind shouts that <em> it isn’t Lexa </em> , she knows that she doesn’t care. For a moment, just a moment, she can see and touch and <em> feel </em> her, and for a moment that’s enough. So she closes her eyes and lets herself <em> feel </em>. </p><p>“I’m not her Clarke,” not-Lexa says, and she can almost hear the regret in it, like this being <em> wanted </em> it to be real as bad as she did.</p><p>“I know,” she replies. Yet she can’t bring herself to pull away from Lexa’s arms; Because even if it's not <em> Lexa </em>, those were still Lexa's arms. One more moment and she pulls back anyway; even before she lost Lexa the first time she knew that letting go had nothing to do with being ready.</p><p>As her eyes fill, threating to overflow at the sight of her always lost love, she <em> knows </em> what is going to happen next with a sickening certainty.</p><p>“The test isn’t over,” she says it before Lexa <em> not-Lexa </em> can, and her voice is as unwavering as she can make it.</p><p>
  <em> The head and no heart. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> This won't end well. </em>
</p><p>“No. I'm sorry. We can't stop what's been set in motion. Your species must now be judged,” not-Lexa pauses before continuing, “through you.”</p><p>Her mind goes blank, as if she knows how this will end even before it does. When she thought anyone but him, she should have thought anyone but <em> her. </em> </p><p>She always wondered what she would do when she was finally judged for every, <em> had to be done </em> and <em> for my people </em> and <em> bear it so they don’t have to </em>. </p><p>The being walks over to where Cadogan had fallen, “This man was unarmed, no threat to you, yet you killed him.” Every word seems weighted, echoing with quiet authority, “Why?”</p><p>In this instant there is no mercy, no regret, no righteousness, “He killed my daughter.”</p><p>It stands, looks to her and asks, “Is Madi dead?”</p><p>She doesn’t consider lying, that will not help her here. With nothing else to give but the truth, she responds.</p><p>“No, but she will be,” and the thought of Madi lying there, unmoving, hardens her resolve, “because of him.”</p><p>“So your need for revenge is more important than the fate of the entire human race?” And with that direct tone and piercing question it would be so easy to believe that this is really Lexa.</p><p>But no, Lexa would understand, “It’s not revenge, it’s justice.”</p><p>A switch to Trigedasleng hits home coming out of Lexa’s lips, “A rose by any other name is still… Blood must have blood.”</p><p>And then the anger comes back, the years of blood must have blood, blood must not have blood, and the years after. With the entire human race seeming to switch back and forth depending on nothing more than her actions.</p><p>“You don't know my pain,” she spits. </p><p>“You're wrong. During the test, I sense every part of you. I'm feeling your pain right now.”</p><p>And in the moment it reminds her so much of ALLIE that she revels in it for a moment, allows herself to feel all the pain for the first time in years. Anger, fear, pain and all consuming <em> despair. </em> All mixed up inside until she doesn't know whether she made the right choice all those years ago, until she can make sure that this not-Lexa <em> feels </em> it. </p><p>“Really? Then feel me holding Lexa as she dies. Feel me seeing someone else wear my mother's face. Feel me murder my best friend to save my child, only to have her die anyway,” and she can sense it, that last one made it flinch back in defense. It nearly makes her flinch too. But there is no flinching for her, she always feels pain, there is no <em> end </em> to this pain, “Feel that.”</p><p>Not-Lexa’s eyes narrow, “You suffer and inflict suffering on others. Pain begets pain. That's not justice, Clarke. You say you do these things to protect your people, but you're all one... people. That much Cadogan had right.”</p><p>She can’t put her finger on it but something in not-Lexa's eyes seems to shift when it says that.</p><p>“He created a world without love to get to you. He killed my child to get to you. Have you ever considered that you're the problem?” And she doesn’t stop to think before she continues, “How dare you judge me when you annihilate entire species because they don't live up to your ideals? Have I pulled the lever to commit genocide? Yes, I have. And did love make me do this?" She can feel that other emotion rising, the one that makes the pain worth it, and it shows in her trembling but so <em> sure </em> voice.</p><p>"You're damn right it did! But what's your excuse? You play games with people and call yourselves higher beings. You are no better than the murderers I've killed, and you are no better than me!” She is breathing like she just ran a marathon, but not-Lexa barely blinks at her tirade.</p><p>“I am sorry for all you have lost. You've borne so much,” and it truly looks like it does, so for a moment she lets herself hope, “but if you are humanity, then I'm afraid humanity is not worthy of taking the next step.”</p><p>And the words put a voice to her worst nightmares and pour into what's left of her soul, <em> you have ensured the destruction of the human race </em>.</p><p>“It has been decided. Your fight is over."</p><p>---</p><p>
  <em> Raven standing in front of her.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "What have I done?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Questions, questions. Can she see that they're already dead? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I failed," and she focuses on the girl who always got picked first, who Clarke would have picked first. "It should have been you, they should have picked you first." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> --- </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "Why are you here? The test is over." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The being seems genuinely confused by Raven. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "As you know, Clarke failed."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Raven had that effect on most people. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "How can that be? Clarke sacrificed everything for us so that we didn't have to. She gave up her soul so we could keep ours." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "She committed atrocities." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "She was trying to save us." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "She doomed you. I'm sorry." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The argument runs on repeat in her head, it wasn't the first time. Trying to argue, defend what she had done. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Don't you know you're fighting a lost battle Raven? But she never did, Raven never gave in. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Are you? Because to me, it looks like you don't feel anything."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And there is frustration in Ravens voice. Clarke knows it well; from all the times that Raven had tried to explain something so simple to her and the others to all the times people had failed to understand her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Have we made mistakes? Yes. Clarke, me, all of us, but we were just trying to survive. I'm not saying we're ready now, and if you don't want us to join you, fine... but at least let us live, keep trying to do better. We will. We have." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> --- </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Don't you see? Despite the beauty that humans are capable of, you can't break free from the cycle of violence." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "This is who you are. That's why you failed the test." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And all Clarke can do is weep, clinging to her daughter as the images spin in her head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I'm so sorry I failed you. I failed everyone." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "The end of the human race is here." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> --- </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Octavia stands proud. With an army on either side she screams out in frustration. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "What the hell are we doing here? You swore an oath to fight for all mankind. Well, look around you! We are mankind! We are one crew!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And a part of Clarke looks up to see her, vicious and vibrant, sword planted in the middle of a field. Sprouting tendrils of humanity, fighting to keep the violence at bay instead of her enemies. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "If I kill you, I kill myself. If we keep killing each other, there won't be anyone left to save! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Our fight is over! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And everytime Clarke had heard those words flashed through her mind. To many years gone by, to many deaths to count. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I know you're afraid to walk away from everything you've spent your lives training for. I am, too. My brother believed, as you do, that transcendence, whatever that means, is within reach. He died for that belief, and for that, he'll never get there, never transcend." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> To many deaths. An image of Bellamy in white, so sure, so trusting.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I failed, I failed, I failed. 'Oh Bellamy, how did we get here?' </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I don't know what I believe, but I do know that if we fight this war we don't deserve to find out if he was right. We don't deserve to survive. We fail, we die. I've been to war, and let me tell you the only way to win... is not to fight." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> --- </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Raven again, "I told you. We can change. We just need more time." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> --- </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The creature wearing her mother's face turns to Clarke, once again lost in a sky of purple, "You can never join us, Clarke. Your actions must have a cost." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Am I the only human being who ever sinned?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Of course not, but you are the only test subject from any species anywhere in the universe since the dawn of time who committed murder during a test." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I'd do it again." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "We shall see." </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>September 13th 2149: Drop ship - Arc Station to Earth</p><p> </p><p>Once again blinding light assaults her senses and overwhelms her. As the taste starts to fade and sound starts to creep in, she opens her eyes. The words we shall see still echoing in her mind.</p><p>Noise is all around her, a familiar sound; machine hum. As her vision slowly returns, she realized that the sight is just as familiar, if terrifying in its own way.</p><p>Turning her head to the side Clarke can't stop the shock from showing on her face. Surrounding her are faces that she hasn't seen in years and they all look so heartbreakingly young. These are the faces of her nightmares. </p><p>Only then does she catch a glimpse of the boy sitting next to her; this is the face from her dreams. Those few and far between, a glimpse of her life before instead of her life after. </p><p>"Welcome back," he tries to joke, before he remembers what happened all those months years ago.</p><p>Wells looks the same as she remembers him, eyes deep and sorrowful, compassion leaking out of every fibre of his being.</p><p>Frozen, she sits in silence as she stares at the ghost, dream, nightmare, figmant boy in front of her.</p><p>"Look," he begins, "I know you probably don't want me here, but when I found out they were sending prisoners to the ground, I got myself arrested. I couldn't let you go alone."</p><p>The earnestness and innocence love and sadness in his eyes makes Clarke want to cry. </p><p>Suddenly the ship shakes violently, atmospheric pressure kicking in. Whispers and small shrieks start up and then immediately stop as the screens around her kick to life, and Thelonious Jaha begins to speak.</p><p>"Prisoners of The Ark, hear me now." </p><p>Clarke had always thought Thelonious was a bit pompous if she were honest. She had forgotten that he used to be this bad.</p><p>"You've been given a second chance, and as your Chancellor, it is my hope that you see this as not just a chance for you, but a chance for all of us, indeed for mankind itself. We have no idea what is waiting for you down there."</p><p>Once, Clarke had listened to those words as though they were the only thing that would keep her alive. Now, it strikes her how similar he sounds to Bill Cadogan, for all mankind. So sure of his own power over those around him.</p><p>Jaha Sr. continued, "If the odds of survival were better, we would've sent others. Frankly, we're sending you because your crimes have made you expendable."</p><p>"Your dad's a dick Wells," someone shouts.</p><p>Clarke recognizes the voice instantly thats not what happened and can't help the automatic retort, "You realize that he's on this ship too, right Murphy? We're all delinquents now."</p><p>The elder Jaha continues, but no one is listening anymore, their heads swiveling back and forth between her and Murphy.</p><p>She chuckles darkly and raises an eyebrow at him. Challenging Murphy was too old of a habit to break now.</p><p>"So you think you're one of us, do ya princess," John smirks and tilts his head to the side. The face is younger, but the scar slicing across his right cheek is older than the jagged one running down her right arm and the glint in his eye the same as ever, play along.</p><p>"And what crime were you charged with, locked up in your private cell, I might add," and she'll give him points for dramatic effect, "to make you one of us," his voice rises on the last word and he raises his arms up in the air.</p><p>If there was one thing John Murphy knew how to do, it was rile up a crowd.</p><p>Everyone on this level was paying attention and upon hearing Murphy's words let out a series of cheers.</p><p>Clarke smirked, and raised her chin in defiance. After everything she had done and had done to her, the Commander of Death did not fear a crowd.</p><p>With a dark chuckle, Clarke replied, "I do believe it was treason and private or not, there is a reason they put me in solitary," and everyone was still, waiting with baited breath so Clarke continued, "but by far not my worst crime, as you well know Murphy."</p><p>She winked. She had finally cracked, riding down to hell with John f'ing Murphy. At least the banter would be good.</p><p>His smirk deepened and he nodded his head in her direction, as if to say point.</p><p>Murphy followed this by closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the dropship wall, appearing for all intents and purposes, as if he had decided to take a nap right in the middle of a crash course to Earth.</p><p>Only Clarke knew better. John Murphy did not nap when his survival was in question. And wait wasn't he in a different seat the first time around? </p><p>Nobody but her seemed to notice that he was using his left hand behind him to loosen a series of seemingly random bolts and connectors. She could see his lips move as he counted wire and bolts, carefully adjusting certain ones.</p><p>Suddenly Clarke felt her stomach drop as the parachutes kicked in and just like last time sparks started to fly around the ship's interior.</p><p>This shouldn't be happening... Murphy what did you do? </p><p>As they hurtle through the air, she sees Finn sitting in his seat and the other two that she remembered following him last time both safely buckled in.</p><p>What did you do John Murphy?!</p><p>People were starting to panic, but when she looked over at Murphy, he still appeared to be napping peacefully. Not disturbed in the slightest by their impeding deaths.</p><p>Wells, still sitting beside her, pulled her attention to him and began to apologize for her father's execution.</p><p>A twinge of pain, an old scar and a father still dead too soon. </p><p>This time she grabs his hand with enough force that he stops trying and meets her eyes.</p><p>"I know it wasn't you Wells," she felt the tears filling her eyes again, years of regret and missing him poured into her words, "there is nothing to forgive, you're the closest thing I've ever had to a brother and I love you."</p><p>His face, a mixture of shock, happiness and confusion innocence and love and hope is forever branded into her mind as one of the loose wires shooting sparks connects with his shoulder.</p><p>Instantly his body begins to seize as electricity pours into it with a familiar scent. Her arm feels like it's on fire and she can't breath. There are people screaming all around her as a loud buzzing fills her mind and the smell of burning flesh fills the air.</p><p>The wire falls to the side as Clarke reflexively drops the hand she had been holding. One glance, swallowing her own bile at the sight, has her already realizing it is too late for her best friend. Again.</p><p>The pain of her own burning flesh seers through her as the world fades to black, screaming and the sound of rockets filling her ears.</p><p>Something in her mind shrieks, "What did you do John Murphy?!" </p><p>But it's not his voice, and it's not Clarke's voice either.</p><p>---</p><p>It's quieter when she awakens. Even before she opens her eyes, she can hear the crackle of a nearby fire and the voices crowding around it for warmth.</p><p>Not the loud party that she had heard tales of of. But a quieter gathering, one that spoke of hard work done and bonds created.</p><p>The feel of hard metal only softened by a light tarp is achingly familiar, bringing thoughts of medicine, hunting and learning. </p><p>Closer still, she can hear light breathing and she has to stop her body from tensing, from giving away her awakened state, from searching for a weapon.</p><p>Inhaling normally, she smells sandlewood, woodsmoke and him, and immediately her body fully relaxes. Feeling the pain shoot through her, she groans and begins to move.</p><p>Only when she can't resist any more, does she slowly open her eyes to meet the brown ones pinning her down with a quizzical expression.</p><p>Silent and brooding. She had seen that look many times, whenever there was a puzzle he couldn't crack, something that just wasn't adding up in his mind.</p><p>Unable to help herself she reaches an arm towards him, hovering just above his cheek, and whispers "Bellamy."</p><p>There is no mistaking the pain, the loss or the familiarity in her voice and his quizzical look deepens to something a little more pensive and a little more unsure. </p><p>This Bellamy is so young, so lost, nothing in the world but his sister to hold onto.</p><p>It's clear he knows he is missing something important here, but so is Clarke, in a very different way.</p><p>Slowly, she lowers her arm, unable to bring herself to touch him, to make this real.</p><p>"Where am I?" She tries to speak but it comes out closer to a croak.</p><p>Silently, he holds out a tin cup, filled to the brim with cold water.</p><p>For a moment he hesitates, clearly unsure whether or not she can sit up on her own.</p><p>Clarke tries to solve his dilemma by rolling over and rocking herself to a crouching position, before promptly falling on her ass.</p><p>He smirks and chuckles as he hands her the water, and decides to answer her earlier question, "Welcome to Earth."</p><p>Unknowly bringing back Wells's earlier words for her, Clarke freezes, dropping the cup to the floor and splashing them both.</p><p>Cursing he jumps up and starts swiping at the water trickling down his pant leg. Rounding on her with a furious glare, mouth open to start berating her, he stops as he takes in Clarke's pale face and wide eyes.</p><p>Unblinking, tears welling up once again, and once again Clarke holds them back as her horrified, broken voice cuts through the silence in the tent, "Wells, oh god, not again Wells."</p><p>Bellamy shakes his head, anger forgotten in the face of her grief, and picks the cup from the ground. He refills it from a waterskin on the seat next to him and holds it out to her once more. </p><p>Gruffly, rubbing the back of his head with his other hand, he says, "Octavia," his voice cracks and he clears his throat before trying again. </p><p>"Octavia rounded up a crew to dig him a proper grave, they should be done soon if you want to…" he trails off, clearly unsure about how to handle her silence.</p><p>She doesn't move. Eyes staring forward unseeing, so he sets the cup down on the floor beside her.</p><p>"I'm going to…" he trails off again, pointing behind him towards the dropship entrance.</p><p>Before he even steps over the threshold Clarke can hear him bellowing loudly, "John," louder this time, "Murphy! She's awake!"</p><p>The noise by the fire quiets down for a moment before Clarke hears questions being lobbed in his direction.</p><p>"Is she okay?"</p><p>"Can we go see her?"</p><p>On and on, more people than she remembers ever caring about her well being, as long as it wasn't tied to theirs.</p><p>Bellamy's responses fade into the background as Clarke tries to get a grip on her surroundings. Unable to reconcile the world around her with what she knows to be true, she goes back to trying to stand, determined to find out what the hell was going on.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>July 1st 2149: Arc Station, Earth Orbit</b>
</p><p>
  <em> (John Murphy POV) </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> Pain. </em> It is a familiar, if unwelcome sensation that he awakens to.</p><p>He can feel the pain radiating from his scars more clearly than he can when a storm is brewing. Every cut and stab, burning and piercing with a dull ache throughout his body.</p><p>Pushing it aside and ignoring it for the moment, he focuses on his surroundings. The familiar creak and groan of metal spinning around in empty space confuses him for a moment. <em> Wasn't he on Sanctum? </em></p><p>The last thing he remembered was… <em> Emori dying. Jackson pumping her heart, desperation filling him. And finally, sharing a mind space, determined to spend their final moments together.  </em></p><p>His eyes fly open and his gaze flies around the room, scratchy voice calling out, "Emori? Emori?"</p><p>A noise from underneath the cot startles him fully awake.</p><p><em> Bang bang </em>, and a voice, "shuddup, John."</p><p>Instinctively he kicks out, allowing his foot to slide off the edge and kick the post holding his cot in the air.  Underneath, somehow, lies John Mbege. He hears the other boy roll over, satisfied with Murphy's silence, as he tries to fall back to sleep in the early hours of the morning.</p><p>Slowly dragging himself into a sitting position, legs hanging off the edge of the bunk, Murphy looks around. Everything seems to be exactly as he remembered, a small 8x8 cell with the cots lining one wall, a metal shelf poking out from the wall and a small toilet in the corner. The walls, a plain grey covered in dents and scratches telling a hundred years of history.</p><p>Sitting on a bed that he hadn't thought of in years with the sounds of the long dead and gone filling his ears he tries to focus his fractured thoughts.</p><p>Hearing about Clarke and Josephine’s merged mindspaces, and knowing that Clarke’s space resembled her old cell, was in the forefront of his mind. </p><p>His mind space had been a quiet refuge for his and Emori's last moments, but he assumed that there must be more to it. </p><p>Murphy's best guess was that he was now in some sort of mindspace on his own.</p><p>It felt different though.  Somehow both more and less real than those few moments he had spent with Emori, basking in each other's presence.</p><p>While he was certainly not eager to explore the darkest parts of his own mind, John figured there was no point sitting here locked in a cell.</p><p>Hopping down from his bed, Murphy looked toward the jagged piece of shelf that he and Mbege used as a mirror.</p><p>For a moment he feels shock, expecting to see his own worn visage, but his face was young. Still filled with the scars and knowledge of the years that had passed since he lived in this little cell, but smoother, sharper than he remembered. </p><p>Bringing his hand up to the back of his neck, he felt around the edges of scar tissue; feeling for the little piece of tech embedded in his head. Relief fills him when his fingers trace the bump under his skin. Whatever was going on, at least he still had his mind drive.</p><p>Walking over to the door of the cell, Murphy pushes lightly; only a little surprised when it fails to open at his touch. </p><p><em> Of course it wouldn't be that easy. </em> </p><p>Looking back to the boy still trying to sleep on the bottom bunk, he considers his options.</p><p>He has no idea why he is here or what force is making him relive the most boring part of his life, but clearly his old roommate would not be any help. </p><p>
  <em> So why is he even here? Why am I even here? </em>
</p><p>Rolling his shoulders and threading a hand through his weirdly long hair, Murphy ambled back toward the bed and hopped back up. </p><p>Whatever was going on; he was in no mood to deal with it right now. The last few days <em> weeks, months, years </em>had been incredibly trying for his limited patience. Besides, he wouldn't be able to figure anything out now, with no clue where to start, so he might as well sit back and try to rest while he had the chance. </p><p>Slowly he drifts off into a light doze, thoughts of Emori conjuring images in his head as he lies halfway between the waking and the dream.</p><p>--- </p><p>A girl and a boy, Emori and Otan, embracing on the edge of a pier, as she wishes him luck and sets off on her own. An overloaded pack weighing her down as she turns South, away from the deadlands. A message, sent into the void with only faith and love to hope that it is delivered at all. <em> I’m coming for you John. </em></p><p>---</p><p>It seems like no time at all had passed before Murphy feels a hand shaking his shoulder. Automatically flinching away and opening his eyes; he sees John Mbege standing in front of him, eyes taking in every detail. He can hear the guards making their way down the hall, heavy boots clinking down through the cell block.</p><p>Blinking the sleep out of his eyes, he lightly hops back down to the floor and tilts his head to the side curiously, studying the boy standing in front of him.</p><p>Before he had gone and gotten himself killed, like almost all of the 100, this boy had been one of the few he actually counted as a friend. He was exactly as Murphy remembered, from the look of hidden concern in his eyes, down to the scar on his left hand from the first day they met.</p><p>Looking down at the matching scar on his own hand, Murphy chuckled out loud, amazed at the details his mind could conjure.</p><p>With no desire to confront his past, his emotions or anything resembling that; Murphy turned away from his old friend and adopted the expected pose. At attention, just as the guards always demanded, but with just enough angry energy to show his disdain for them and this entire situation.</p><p>“Prisioner 139 and 143, you know the drill, face the wall,” one of the guards called out, rapping sharply on the doorframe with his shock baton.</p><p>Still undecided on how long he was willing to play along, Murphy rolls his eyes and obeys, seeing Mbege do the same.</p><p>The door opens and their rations are slid across the floor. Risking a glance to the side, John sees that they barely take up half the tray. </p><p>
  <em> Half rations then. Must be close to drop-day. </em>
</p><p>From what he remembered, the guards delivered rations twice per day, pulling those who had visitors during first rations. Mandated exercise always happened halfway between the two. </p><p>Neither John had any family left and any friends they may have had before they were locked up had long since stopped coming to visit. Hence, Murphy was taken aback when the second guard spoke up, “Prisioner 139; the visitation area is open and you have a visitor. </p><p>Mebge looked at him with surprise, but Murphy only shrugged a shoulder at him and raised an eyebrow; as if he had any clue what was going on here.</p><p>“Now 139,” the guard stepped forward threateningly.</p><p>“I’m coming, I’m coming,” he holds up his hands and rolls his eyes before turning toward the guard, holding his arms out for the cuffs to be locked into place.</p><p>As he is  marched down the block, Murphy can’t help but peek into some of the cells they pass. </p><p>The faces of the dead are there to meet him around every corner, reminding him of how many they had lost. </p><p>For a moment he wonders why he cares. Then his heart stops and he nearly trips over his own feet as he sees Charlotte being pushed along 2 levels below him.</p><p>Guilt rises in him even as a low growl is pulled from his throat as he sees how she is being treated.</p><p>Mind lost in the past and walking on autopilot as the guard trudges along behind him, Murphy nearly runs right into the door of the visitation area before the guard jerks his collar. Feeling it tighten around his throat, he barely stops himself from lashing out at the guard with a quick fist.</p><p>Eyeing him up and down, perhaps sensing what he was about to do, the guard huffs and lets go; moving to open the door in front of them.</p><p>Idly, John wonders who this visitor is. Perhaps another ghost, come to confront him, to force him to feel all the pain surely buried in his mind. Just as he begins contimplating who would be worse, his mother, father or one of his various murder victims, he spots Raven sitting at a metal table in the center of the room.</p><p>Apparently no one else had come for morning visitation because other than Raven and the guard posted at the viewing window, there was no one in sight.</p><p>Clearly disturbed with the thought of leaving such a violent criminal alone with anyone, let alone a pretty young girl, the guard takes his time removing the cuffs and mutters, “Behave,” as he shoves Murphy in Raven’s direction. </p><p>Rubbing his wrists and giving the guard a half-hearted glare that he doesn't even see, Murphy starts moving toward where Raven still sits.</p><p>She stands as he approaches, limp prominent, but no brace to hold her leg in place. As they reach each other she holds out her arms and pulls him into a tight hug. Raven's hugs, just like her, are fierce and unbending, forcing him to hug her back or fall over as she pulls him down.</p><p>He should have known it would be her. Who better to help him understand his own mind than the girl who always understood everything. </p><p>"So what brings our genius mechanic into my neck of the woods," Murphy pulls out of the hug as he looks down at her, struck by how young she looks.</p><p>
  <em> Seems to be a theme of this part of his mind space. </em>
</p><p>Why his mind would imagine her at this age when he didn't even know her then was beyond him, but he was secretly grateful for her presence anyway.</p><p>While the trip down memory lane had been interesting, he was eager to get back to the real world where Emori waited for him.<em> Hopefully </em> his mind supplied the unwelcome thought <em> . </em></p><p>Not one to waste time, Raven got straight to the point, "what is the last thing you remember?"</p><p>"The explosion, Emori," Murphy falters for a moment under the onslaught of memories, "Emori died." The pain in his voice is clear, but Raven's face paled and she blanched back.</p><p>"No." It came out as a whisper, filled with pain, shock and denial.</p><p>
  <em> If this is your mind, how does she not know? </em>
</p><p>Shaking his head to clear the thought he continues, "Jackson took out her mind drive, put it inside me. We were in the mind space, together and then… nothing. At least until I woke up in my cell a few hours ago."</p><p>Raven's eyes narrow as he speaks and she begins to mutter furiously. "If she was a living mind, then maybe she…" She trails off, clearly thinking hard, before she shakes her head and mutters, "no way to tell for sure until we get down there."</p><p>Finally focusing her attention back on Murphy, she grabs his arm and pulls him down to sit, leaning in close. Keeping her voice low she asks, "do you know where we are?"</p><p>"Mind space, I'd guess," he replied with a shrug, "side effect of a melting brain." </p><p>John knew exactly what he was doing when he had screamed at Jackson to put Emori in his head. The way he saw it, once you found something worth living for, you held on until you died. As it turned out, some things were worth dying for, even for a cockroach.</p><p>Throwing her hair back with a shake of her head, Raven pinches his arm hard enough to make him cry out and pull out of her grip.</p><p>The guard at the window briefly looks up but quickly goes back to the screen in front of her after realizing that it was John rubbing his arm furiously and Raven smirking at him with a sparkle in her eye.</p><p>Shaking her head and lowering her voice even more, John has to lean closer to hear what she is saying, "If this were a mind space, one of us would be able to control it and both of us wouldn't be here." At his questioning look, Raven continues speaking, "I'm real." And she pinches her own arm just as hard as she had pinched his, almost as if making sure one more time before telling him, "this is flesh and blood, real bodies. As far as I can tell this is no simulation."</p><p>Murphy's mind struggles to accept what she is saying, nothing else made sense. </p><p>"So what is it then? Are we dead? 'Cause I never figured we'd end up in the same place," he winks as he finishes, but his voice rises as well, once again drawing the attention of the guard at the window. </p><p>Still in that same low tone, Raven forges ahead and the frown relaying her seriousness creases her face with lines that didn't belong on that face or in this place.</p><p>"Cadogan got the code from Madi. Clarke and Octavia went to rescue her but they were too late. He tore through Madi's mind to get the code. She was… oh god," and Murphy could handle a lot; grounders, torture, apocalypses and more. But the look of violence, hatred and nausea on Raven's face told him everything he needed to know about the state Madi was left in after Cadogan was done with her..</p><p>Unable to stop the grief from welling up inside, Murphy chokes back tears as he remembers Madi <em> strong, brave, funny. </em>And, unbidden, an image of Charlotte standing on the edge of a cliff floats through his mind.</p><p>A twinge of fear pulls at him as he asks, "What did Clarke do?"</p><p>Of course Raven immediately understands. The things that Clarke has done to save her people are legendary among what was left of the human race and they both knew she would destroy anything and everything for Madi.</p><p>"She went after him. Cadogan. He had already put the code in, already started the test." She pauses, bracing herself for what she had to tell him next.</p><p>"I don't know what happened in there. She was only gone seconds as far as I could tell. But went she reappeared so did Cadogan's body."</p><p>And as Raven described the way Cadogan's body was riddled with holes, as she described Clarke's hopeless and empty stare, all Murphy could think about was how insane all of this sounded.</p><p>Transcendence sounded a lot like the City of Light to him.</p><p>Raven finishes telling him about touching the pulsing ball of red light and going to meet the being wearing Abby's face.</p><p>How she had been transported to the middle of a battlefield, the last of the human race poised to fight until there was no one left. A tinderbox just waiting for a spark that Sheidheda was all too willing to provide.</p><p>About Octavia standing proud, using her years of peace to change the minds of those she had once ruled with an iron fist and a blood soaked sword. How she planted her sword in the ground and how weapons had fallen to the ground as they all embraced one simple fact. <em> We are all Wonkru now. </em></p><p>And how the being, so sure that the human race was not worth saving, had been proven wrong. We can change. We can do better.</p><p>And the final words clamoring in her mind as she awoke a world away floating above a not yet dead planet, <em> we shall see. </em> </p><p>"Time travel," she breathes, eyes alight with a familiar glint. A challenge to be conquered, a puzzle not yet solved.</p><p>John sits back in his seat and a quick glance at the clock in the corner tells him this visit is almost over.</p><p>"Magic isn't real," he insists, not sure if he is reminding her or himself.</p><p>"Magic is just science we don't understand yet," she counters.</p><p>He can see the wheels turning in her mind, knows that she wants to tell him her theories. Because it's Raven. She might not <em> know </em> what happened or how it did, <em> yet </em>, but she always has an idea. Something to test or prove.</p><p>He looks up at the clock again and knows there isn't time for him to ask or for her to tell. She catches the movement and her eyes say later. Both knowing that there isn't time for that right now and that John probably wouldn't understand anyway.</p><p>A million questions run through his mind, but only one is actually said out loud, "What do you need from me?"</p><p>Their gazes meet and she nods seriously; she wouldn't have come here yet if there wasn't something.</p><p>"Long story short… you are the anomaly here. I don't think you are even supposed to be here. This being sent me and Octavia back. Clarke too." </p><p>Her eyes focus on something far away and he can tell she is thinking hard. It reminds him of other days when he watched her fix a rocket, trying again and again until she found the solution.</p><p>"Clarke isn't here yet. Time is funny that way," and she smirks, "but it didn't send you."</p><p>And her gaze is laser focused now, "somehow you got here yourself and I need to know why, how this happened. It could be the key to everything."</p><p>From her pocket she pulls out a syringe, careful to keep it hidden from the viewing window and the cameras lining the walls.</p><p>Murphy looks up at the clock again and knows that their time is gone.</p><p>As the guard in the viewing room stands and presses a button, likely to call the guard that brought him here, Raven pulls his arm under the table and sticks the needle in, letting the blood flow.</p><p>As a different guard walks into the room and calls out for him to stand, Raven has already made the vial filled with his black blood disappear.</p><p>"I'll come back," she whispers in his ear. One last hug and again he is manhandled back to his old cell and locked in with nothing but memories and a ghost to keep him company.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>September 13th 2149: Drop ship Camp, Earth</b>
</p><p>As she pulls herself to her feet, lightheaded in a way that she hasn't been since the last time she was electrocuted, she hears footsteps climbing the ramp behind her.</p><p>Clarke tries to steady herself as Murphy pokes his head through the curtain.</p><p>At first he tries to hold back, they had never been good at one on one time, but when he sees her start to sway on her feet he quickly rushes over to her.</p><p>As he helps her steady herself against one of the seats, she allows herself a moment to study him. While his face still strikes her as young, when she looks closer she sees that the anger that ruled Murphy in the early dropship days is gone. </p><p>In its place sits the calm and calculating man that she and the others have come to rely on in recent years.</p><p>He opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again with a snap. A look of old, settled guilt appears on his face as he takes a step back keeping his hand perched lightly on her forearm in a show of support. </p><p>He gives her an evaluating look, one she recognizes and responds to, is this the thing that breaks Clarke Griffin? </p><p>So Clarke steadies herself and pushes through the pain and confusion, fixing him with a steady gaze. Clarke Griffin never breaks.</p><p>He nods, satisfied for the moment. </p><p>"I didn't know that was going to happen," he starts, gathering himself, "the wires," he stops again, swallowing thickly. "Raven told me which ones to mess with. We went off course the first time," he speaks haltingly with a heavy tone, "away from Mt. Weather, and it probably saved our lives. We needed to do the same thing again. But without killing anyone this time." </p><p>There is no mistaking the guilt in his voice now, but after a moment he pushes it down with the rest. </p><p>He didn't look her in the eye once while he spoke, but as soon as he finished he steeled his will and met her gaze.</p><p>"I never meant for him to die," the tone is harsh and defensive, as if awaiting her judgement.</p><p>Clarke shakes her head, confusion clouding her mind.</p><p>"No matter what I do, people die, he dies," Clarke breathes without thinking. </p><p>The pain is too sharp, Wells's death had always hit her hard. Seeing it over again, altered and twisted as it was, made everything harder to follow. Thoughts were flowing through her mind but she was unable to hold on to any of them for long.</p><p>Murphy flinches as though her words were a solid blow striking him in the gut and lets go of her arm. Clarke hardly notices as her brain catches up to his words.</p><p>"Wait, Raven?!" Clarke looks up at Murphy sharply, mind clearing for a moment and surprise on her face.</p><p>"What does Raven have to do with this?"</p><p>Murphy pauses, hesitating just long enough for her suspicions to rise.</p><p>She can feel the hairs rising on the back of her neck and Clarke looks to him in confusion, frustration starting to creep in, she is so sick of being confused.</p><p>She speaks with a tightness in her eyes, voice harsh, though her words are quiet, "Tell me everything."</p><p>For an instant, he looks like he might refuse, objection to following orders rising, but he swallows it down with a long suffering sigh.</p><p>"Explain this?" He raises his eyebrows questioningly while he gestures at their surroundings.</p><p>She still hasn't processed everything that had happened over the last… oh no. Madi… For a moment she had forgotten, how could she forget Madi...</p><p>Murphy seems to sense her distress and clearly knows her well enough to realize the cause.</p><p>"Madi is fine. Happy, healthy and alive." </p><p>He sounds so sure and he is gripping both of her arms now, trying to make her focus.</p><p>But Clarke had seen her, broken and unmoving, had held a gun to her daughter's head and found herself unable to end Madi's suffering. Wrapped her in her arms and wept, waiting for the end, nothing more than two broken people at the end of the world. Again.</p><p>"Right now she's what, 5? Happy and alive. Living with her parents and her sister in Shadow Valley."</p><p>She stares at him in shock. Did that mean… She couldn't allow the question to form in her mind.</p><p>"In this time, Madi never watched her family die in Praimfya, never lived alone in a radiation soaked valley determined to kill her, never lured a stranger into a bear trap to steal more supplies."</p><p>He pauses like he expects her to say something, but she just stands there mouth agape as she wraps her head around what he is saying.</p><p>"Madi is free," His eyes are begging her to hear him, to understand this one thing, "and if we do this right, none of that will ever happen to her. None of it."</p><p>And she gets it, she really does. Whatever is going on, however this happened, one very important thing has changed in Clarke's world.</p><p>Before, Madi was going to die and there was nothing she could do but watch. Now Clarke had a chance to change her future. To make sure it never happened.</p><p>The clarity she had been longing for suddenly appears, and all it takes is a single image. Madi, living free and happy, running through the woods of her home, smiling and laughing.</p><p>So she nods, and then she gasps and nods in turn, as Murphy tells his own tale.</p><p>He tells her of Emori's death, of a shared mind space and going peacefully into the everafter together. Of pain and scars and ghosts on a ship that doesn't know it's already dead. </p><p>And of Raven, their resident mechanic who, when all else fails, never does.</p><p>He tells her about tests, vials of blood, over and over and over. Right under the guard's noses. </p><p>And when those tests weren't enough, Raven had snuck herself and a machine that hummed and shone and made his whole body tremble in to his cell.</p><p>Built from scrap, she hooked him up and scanned and schemed all while Mbege looked on in shock and the guards turned their backs.</p><p>And more and more, on and on.</p><p>Successes, where Raven cheered and yelled, but more often failures, where she narrowed her eyes and her mind worked and worked.</p><p>In the end, Clarke feels a different sort of haze settle over her brain.</p><p>John Murphy had raised more questions than he had answered and only 3 things really stuck in her mind.</p><p>One: This was real. Time travel and memories and a whole new meaning to the words living in the past.</p><p>Two: The being whose existence had started Cadogan's crusade, who had judged humanity through Clarke and found them lacking and who had condemned her actions even as it promised the destruction of everyone she loved, had given them this chance.</p><p>Three: And this was something she had know since she was 17 (the first time around); John Murphy was an uncontrollable force and apparently that also applied to immortal beings who thought they could control the universe.</p><p>---</p><p>Hours later, after Murphy had left, leaving her with a hug and a promise for tomorrow, she walks toward the graveyard.</p><p>She knows Miller is trailing her, just out of sight and hot on her tail, guarding her on Murphy's orders. Idly she wonders if he knows why, if he remembers what lurks in these trees.</p><p>The thought floats hazily through her mind and all she feels is a blank sort of numbness that reminds her of the weeks following Finn's death.</p><p>Everything Murphy had told her was echoing in her head but she couldn't seem to focus on any of it.</p><p>There was no way to return to their own time, and a part of her feels something every time she remembers that. </p><p>Actually, John seemed a little unsure whether or not their time even existed anymore.</p><p>There was something about their atoms being torn apart and thrown through space, merging with their younger selves, but he hadn't seem to understand what he'd said any more than Clarke had.</p><p>As she comes around the opposite side of the dropship and sees the burgeoning camp, Clarke realizes that they never talked about the differences; about who remembers, about why everyone seemed to be treating her differently or exactly what changes had already been made.</p><p>Looking at the camp in front of her she realizes that a lot must have. Only hours since they'd landed but already huts and a wall were being built, everyone must have been working straight from when they'd landed to make this much progress.</p><p>Walking on autopilot as she turns from the camp, thoughts fill her head until the moment the graveyard comes into view and a lightning shock of pain laces through her heart.</p><p>She stumbles toward the single grave, eyes watery but her face clear. Never letting the tears fall. Numbness fighting to cover the sea of roiling pain inside her.</p><p>Once, years ago yet never again, two boys had died because they were expendable. </p><p>Once, a spirited girl with a head full of ideals and a heart full of betrayal had led a group of children through the woods; all while a boy with a heart full of compassion and a head full of protecting you lies had spent the day digging the first graves of what would soon become many.</p><p>Now the boy lies under the dirt, leaving nothing more than an imprint on the Earth and a girl collapsed on the ground above, her head filled with images of a happy little world in the sky and a darker world that never was and never will be again.</p><p>With Miller there to guard her back, she finally lets the tears fall. Collapsing on the ground, for the first time since Eden and peace, she lets herself weep for everyone and everything that she has lost.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 5:</p><p>
  <b>September 14th 2149: Drop ship Camp, Earth</b>
</p><p>For hours, Clarke doesn't move. Long after her sobs subside, she lies still on the damp soil and stares blankly into the dark trees around her.</p><p>Sometime earlier, she'd heard Miller leave, giving Octavia a quick but heartfelt hug as she took his place, before heading back to camp.</p><p>Neither of them were able to rouse her from her current state. She hadn't responded to their words and any attempt to touch her resulted in a violent flinch. So far they had contented themselves by standing guard at a distance.</p><p>As awareness returns, she notices that the trees are slowly beginning to lighten. The sun hadn't peeked over the horizon, yet she knew that the forest would shine with the brightness of dawn within the hour.</p><p>Clarke doesn't move as she takes in the noises of the forest surrounding her, birds and small animals already stirring. Her mind is clearer than it has been in a long time and as she focuses her senses, she catches a glimpse of Octavia, high above her in the trees, still watching over her. </p><p>For a moment her eyes focus on Octavia, still and silent above her, but while Octavia's gaze is sharp, it is not on her.</p><p>Without moving her head, Clarke traces Octavia's eye line, trying to see what she is focusing on so intently.</p><p>There, above Clarke and only a few branches below Octavia, she sees the second figure watching from the trees. It takes her a moment, separating light from shadow, but the man disguised by heavy war paint and heavier furs is still familiar.</p><p>Lincoln.</p><p>The conflicting emotions showing on Octavia's face suddenly make sense and Clarke can't begin to understand the turmoil in the other girl's mind.</p><p>While Lincoln carefully watches Clarke, she can't help but notice that he hasn't seemed to see the figure in the trees above him.</p><p>Once, Lincoln had been given the task of watching the invaders from the sky, before all the war and death between their people, and it seemed he had once again been given that task.</p><p>Knowing that Octavia would be upon her in an instant, if needed, Clarke ignores Lincoln's presence as she straightens her legs and begins to roll into a sitting position.</p><p>An involuntary groan escapes her lips and reverberates through the trees around them as she combats the stiffness in her limbs. Even distracted by the sensation, she can see the slight shake in the branches as Lincoln startles at the sharp noise.</p><p>Stretching her frozen limbs, Clarke idly contemplates the wisdom of spending the night on the cold forest floor with no protection from the elements before brushing the thought away.</p><p>Hiding the motion by rolling her neck, her gaze meets Octavia's briefly before flicking toward Lincoln in the trees and landing on the forest floor in front of her.</p><p>The other woman nods, gaze locking on Lincoln as a smile creeps across her lips, and she begins slipping silently through the trees with practiced ease.</p><p>As Clarke stands, feeling and strength rushes through her body. A night in the forest should have done her little good, but somehow it seems to have cleared her mind. There was work to be done and Clarke always functioned better with a clear goal. </p><p>Do better. She ignored the part of her mind that whispered of all the times she had promised to do better and failed miserably.</p><p>She finally spoke, directing her words to the boy in the grave at her feet, voice starting out as a croak but growing stronger with every word, "In peace may you leave the shore, in love may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey to the ground. Yu gonplei ste odon."</p><p>Hiding the motion with one last look at the grave before her, Clarke glanced to Octavia, now just above Lincoln and poised to strike.</p><p>Taking a few steps back toward camp, just in position, she didn't startle as a loud thump echoed through the clearing and a groaning Lincoln fell to the dirt in front of her.</p><p>Quickly she glances up to see Octavia, face alight with humour, holding the solid branch that she had used to knock the man from his perch.</p><p>In an instant, Lincoln was back on his feet before her, sword poised and ready to strike.</p><p>"Lincoln kom treekru," Clarke speaks without hesitation. </p><p>From experience Clarke knows that Lincoln is a fierce warrior, but not even that could temper his desire for peace.</p><p>"I am Clarke kom Wonkru," the words fall from her lips without thought, and they feel right as soon as she speaks them, "and this is Octavia kom Wonkru."</p><p>As Clarke spoke, Octavia had lowered herself toward the ground silently. Dropping the large bough she had hit him with, Octavia lands lightly. Half a step behind Clarke and lacking her familiar war paint, no weapon in sight, and yet she somehow still managed to look intimidating.</p><p>Lincoln stands frozen before them, startling briefly as Octavia lands, unable to hide the slightly impressed look, and clearly unsure how Clarke could know his name and clan.</p><p>"I do not appreciate being watched, but I understand that strangers who appear in your territory must be," Clarke speaks again, thoughts racing, but face impassive and voice strong.</p><p>Lincoln makes no movement to indicate he understands her words, still not speaking, eyes flickering between her and Octavia with a carefully blank face, not giving anything else away.</p><p>For some reason Octavia was letting her take the lead here and Clarke wondered if the other woman was feeling some of what she herself had felt earlier, surrounded by ghosts.</p><p>Tilting her head to the side inquisitively, Clarke considers the situation in front of her while a million problems and solutions ran through her mind, future events to cause or prevent. How much could she change before her knowledge became useless? </p><p>Take a breath, and then another. That's it. One step at a time.</p><p>"I need something from you Lincoln kom Treekru," Clarke can see the wariness in his stance, the tensing in his body, as she narrows her eyes and focuses her piercing gaze on him, "I need you to deliver a message for me."</p><p>Still he does not speak, waiting with his blank face, and all Clarke can see is the face of the first man she had chained and tortured to save her people.</p><p>"I request a meeting with Anya kom Treekru and Indra kom Treekru," he could not hide the shock on his face this time. "Tell them that Clarke kom Wonkru wishes to discuss the future of our people, to discuss alliances."</p><p>When she says no more and makes no move toward him, Lincoln slowly lowers his weapon and begins to back away. </p><p>Seeing that neither Clarke or Octavia move to follow or attack, he nods, speaking for the first time, "I will deliver your message Clarke kom Wonkru, though I offer no guarantees of its reception."</p><p>Clarke nods in response, expecting no less, and watches him leave, quickly fading into the trees as dawn finally breaks over the horizon.</p><p>As he retreats, Octavia finally speaks, "Are you sure that was the right move?"</p><p>Sighing and shaking her head, Clarke responds ruefully, "I don't know anymore than you do Octavia, but we have to make some kind of move or nothing will change."</p><p>The other woman nodded, face sombre, and replies "We need to talk to Murphy, you need to get caught up. Things have already changed, but I don't think any of us really know what we are doing either."</p><p>"I'll head back," Clarke states firmly, already eyeing the short trek back to camp, "but we need eyes on Treekru and TonDC."</p><p>For a moment Octavia eyes her, assesses her, is this the thing that breaks Clarke Griffin? </p><p>But Clarke Griffin never breaks, so the other woman nods, accepting that her breakdown had left her no weaker than before, "I can follow him. I won't be seen." </p><p>Clarke watches for a moment as Octavia moves through the trees, a silent shadow behind the rapidly fading man, before she turns back the other way and begins the short walk back to camp.</p><p>---</p><p>Clarke is nearly upon the camp, tents in sight and woodsmoke filling her nostrils, when she catches a flash of blonde hair dressed almost entirely in blacks and browns trailing her. </p><p>If she hadn't spent years watching for people out to kill her she might not have noticed the small figure darting through the undergrowth.</p><p>Why send a grounder child to watch them? Had that happened before but gone unnoticed due to the sky people's own ignorance?</p><p>Clarke quickly ducks behind a tree and goes still. Keeping her head fixed but eyes searching, she waits for a better view of her shadow. It comes almost immediately, and her heart falters as recognition fills her. Clarke knows that if this had been a true grounder child, it would not be so easy.</p><p>Charlotte, creeping through the brush, eyes frantically searching for her target, moves quicker and louder in her rush to find the woman she's following. </p><p>Clarke waits for her to pass the tree she'd ducked behind before she steps into view and speaks, "What are you doing out here alone Charlotte?"</p><p>The girl gasps in shock, spinning around quickly while knocking an arrow and drawing her bow tight. Only a moment passes before Charlotte lets out a breath and lowers the weapon.</p><p>"Sorry Clarke," high and cheerful, this is not the voice of the tired and scared little girl that Clarke remembers.</p><p>"I'm on watch duty," she speaks proudly, sure of her place, and while Clarke can still see the shadows lurking in her eyes, they are clearer than she had ever seen. This version of the girl was not losing sleep or struggling so harshly with her parents' deaths the way the other Charlotte had.</p><p>Still eyeing the bow warily, remembering what this girl had once done with a readily accessible weapon, Clarke speaks in a gentle but commanding tone, "Who put you on watch duty?"</p><p>Showing an unusual amount of caution for a young girl, she eyes the surrounding trees warily before answering in whispered excitement, "For now John is just setting watches on volunteer duty. Apparently nothing is supposed to happen until the acid fog in a few days but we are all a little nervous, so he set a watch to make us feel better."</p><p>Charlotte speaks with the authority of knowing and Clarke just stares as she wonders what Murphy has told them.</p><p>Not picking up on her concern, and showing more trust than Clarke expected from this watchful version of the girl, Charlotte turns to walk the last bit to camp, chattering about the progress they've made in camp the whole way.</p><p>Clarke is loath to interrupt her, reminded strongly of a young Madi rushing about comfortably in the valley, but her need to know overcomes her reluctance quickly, "Do you remember Charlotte?"</p><p>Charlotte doesn't pause her movement, now leading her through the camp proper, but the excited chatter stops and a serious expression comes over her face. </p><p>"You need to talk to John or Octavia about that," she says with finality in her tone.</p><p>Studying Charlotte's closed off face, Clarke can tell she won't be getting any answers out of the girl. So she simply nods and follows along as the girl waves and smiles at the teens occupying themselves around camp, each of them briefly stopping their tasks to respond brightly.</p><p>Everyone Clarke sees waves or smiles at her, but no one approaches or asks any questions. It seems that word of her breakdown has spread throughout camp and someone had asked them not to say anything. </p><p>A part of Clarke hates the necessity, but she can't help feeling grateful all the same. With everything going through her mind, and few answers to be found, anything that eased her burden would be welcomed.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for the long update everyone. Life stress combined with moving interrupted but I will hopefully be posting regularly again now.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 6:</p><p>
  <strong>July 5th 2149: Arc Station, Earth Orbit</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>(John Murphy POV)</em>
</p><p>It was the same guard every time.</p><p>He hadn't paid attention the first time around, too focused on his pain and anger, but this time he fucking noticed.</p><p>Every single time he looked over at Charlotte, or any of the young ones really, and someone was grabbing their arms or pushing them so that they stumbled forward a little bit faster, it was always the same fucking guard.</p><p>And he was getting right sick of it.</p><p>A sharp jab in his left rib from Mbege reminds him that he better not show exactly how fucking sick of it he was. His entire body is thrumming with anger and he narrows his eyes into slits as he glares hatefully at the guard in question. </p><p>The guard, Shumway, his mind supplies, pushed all of them around, but he seemed to enjoy it more with the little ones.</p><p>Forcing his gaze down to the table in front of him, John mutters darkly, "that one enjoys the power a little too much."</p><p>He feels the shrug from Mbege next to him before he hears the low words, "what are you going to do about it?"</p><p>In a different life, those words would have been a challenge, shut up or put up. But the last few days over a hundred years had changed a lot about John Murphy.</p><p>"I had a word with a friend about Shumway's extracurricular activities," John replied lightly, relaxing his body and getting back to his food. </p><p>Mbege nods cautiously, opens his mouth to speak, then pauses before asking anything more. In the last few days, the man had asked quite a few questions that Murphy still wasn't sure his friend had wanted the answers to. </p><p>A long life had taught Murphy that lying when you weren't sure you needed to, usually bit you in the ass when you couldn't afford to lose a piece.</p><p>Turns out Mbege had learned his lesson about exactly how much he wanted to know, because the boy turns back to his rations without another word. </p><p>John honestly doesn't know whether Raven will even be able to do anything about Shumway or Diana Sydney. Ignoring all the other issues with the Exodus launch, there is still a violent rebellion brewing on the ARC and one lowly mechanic isn't going to be able to stop it.</p><p>---</p><p>Later that night he remembers why he usually avoids doubting Raven at all costs. Shumway might not have been dealt with yet, but not long after lights out he glances over to see Raven standing at the open door to his cell accompanied by an unfamiliar machine.</p><p>Without looking up from the machine, she wheels it into his cell. Raven waves a hand in his general direction, still not looking up, and orders firmly, "John one and John two, switch bunks."</p><p>"And hello to you too," he replies automatically, looking into the mirror pointed toward his cellmate.</p><p>Mbege looks back for a moment before he rises from his bunk without a word, moving quickly to get out of Raven's way.</p><p>As Dr. Eric Jackson and Lt. David Miller walk in behind her, Murphy opens his mouth to say something, before closing it with a snap and raising his arms in surrender when Raven locks her gaze on him.</p><p>He climbs down and arranges himself on the lower bunk as the others watch Raven fiddle, everyone shifting uncomfortably in the silence broken only by her faint mumbles. Finally she looks over and speaks.</p><p>"Is he staying or going tonight," she gestured toward Mbege, but directed the question at Murphy.</p><p>"Oh so I'm finally allowed to speak am I?" Murphy drawled out the words, momentarily delighting in her look of annoyance.</p><p>With a glance at Mbege, who only raises an eyebrow and slithers further into the corner furthest from Raven, watching intently, John replies, "He can stay." </p><p>Motioning at the pile of scrap she had clearly crafted into a machine, he asks, "What's this new torture device then?"</p><p>Every night Raven had given Mbege the chance to leave, and every night he had refused. While she had not addressed him directly since that disastrous first night, she always spoke freely in front of him.</p><p>"I have an idea," Raven replies absently, now booting up the monitor attached to her monstrosity, "I think we can use the electromagnetic field on the mind drive..." Jackson quickly spoke up, "coupled with a bone marrow transplant to protect from ambient radiation." Jackson's sympathetic look doesn't make up for the leftover pain from the visit two nights before. </p><p>Raven picks up as if Jackson hadn't spoken, "to trigger a reboot in someone else, even though they weren't actually sent back with us."</p><p>"You sure you want to make other people remember?" John replies with raised eyebrows.</p><p>"I don't know," Raven's patience was wearing thin and he could tell that she was on the edge of snapping under pressure, "I don't know half of what I'm doing. Whatever technology did this is astronomically more advanced than anything I've seen. I still don't even know how we're here, let alone how you are."</p><p>She shook her head in frustration before she continued, "But you're the anomaly here, so if we want to learn the limits of whatever caused this I need to see exactly what makes you different." </p><p>Even though Raven says she doesn't understand, she usually finds out the right answer eventually. So, with a long suffering sigh, that's mostly just for show, Murphy settles back for another long night of being Raven's test subject.</p><p>With Murphy's tacit agreement, Jackson finally steps forward and begins sticking various wires and sensors to his body. </p><p>The first night of tests had been accompanied by various explanations about medical science from an over-excited Jackson. Murphy had taken a moment to appreciate the man that still let himself get excited about anything, quickly shut him down with a sarcastic bite to his tone. </p><p>Now Jackson didn't bother explaining anything, but his chatter still continues unabated. </p><p>Murphy supposes that for someone who hasn't lived through the terrible future awaiting the human race, the whole idea of time travel would be very interesting, in a sciencey way.</p><p>Once everything is attached to what feels like every part of his body, Jackson finally pulls a cap, wrapped in more wires than Murphy is comfortable with, out from the center of the machine.</p><p>A look of worry passes over Jackson's face as he glances at Raven, now typing furiously on the monitor, and suddenly Murphy realizes that what he had taken for excited chatter, was actually more like nervous chatter. Jackson was not comfortable or sure about what they were going to do here. Knowing that made a heavy pit form in Murphy's stomach.</p><p>The elder Miller sits still and silent in the corner, eyeing the machine distrustfully.</p><p>Raven, finished with her preparations, watches over everything with a pensive look on her face. She seems to sense everyone's hesitation and steps toward Murphy with barely a hitch in her step.</p><p>"This could kill you," she says without preamble, no hesitation, "but it won't affect the mind drive."</p><p>Murphy looked past Jackson to see a defibrillator resting on the bottom of Raven's cart.</p><p>"If this goes wrong, it won't just kill him, Raven," Jackson spoke up harshly, "it could fry his brain. He could end up brain dead from this."</p><p>But for once, Murphy understands something Jackson does not. With the mind drive, brain death was the least of his worries. He looks to Raven, meeting her gaze as he asks, "You're sure it won't affect the mind drive?"</p><p>"This won't hurt it, at the very least," she replies, "Clarke had a drive in her head when she was hooked up to Cadogan's M-Cap machine and it didn't affect the process. Even though we're trying to tap into your drive with this one, it shouldn't damage it," Raven's tone is steady and her face set, not a flicker of doubt crossing it.</p><p>"But it will hurt you," Jackson speaks up, clearly frustrated with their lack of concern for Murphy's well-being. </p><p>In Murphy's opinion that was a nice change.</p><p>Once again Raven elaborates, "The disciples on Bardo had decades to build and test their machine, but this one is more like a scrap heap I built from memory and theory." She meets his gaze apologetically, "The protections that stopped people from feeling the pain, if you don't fight it like Clarke, Octavia and Madi did, aren't built into this one. Jackson's right. This is going to hurt."</p><p>Murphy just nods in resignation, settling back onto the hard mattress beneath him. </p><p>"So it's going to hurt, it might kill me and you're not even sure it's going to work. Sounds just like old times Reyes," Murphy quips, ignoring how hoarse his voice sounds in the quiet room.</p><p>A bark of laughter and a roll of her eyes is the only response he gets before Raven motions to Jackson and he places the cap firmly on Murphy's head.</p><p>Lt. Miller finally moves from his spot in the corner, approaching Murphy like he would a cornered animal, and started strapping his arms and legs down.</p><p>Murphy bares his teeth at the man playfully as he placed a small leather strip between his teeth.</p><p>The other man chuckles lightly and steps back as Murphy settles himself and fixes his gaze on the monitor in front of them.</p><p>Raven looked at the clock in the hall through the still open cell door. "Right on time," she murmurs as the lights in the whole block go dark and Raven's machine lights up with a faint humm.</p><p>The last thing he sees before Raven flips the switch on her machine is Mbege's wide terrified eyes flickering back and forth between Murphy and Raven.</p><p>At first, there is just a faint buzzing under his skin. He can see his own memories flashing on the monitor in front of them, things that may never happen again, only they seemed too real as they play across the screen. </p><p>He knows that the others are reacting to the images on the screen, but suddenly he realizes that the images are going blurry through the red haze in his eyes, he can feel the wetness dripping down his cheeks and he can taste blood as he bites down on the strap of leather hard enough to bite straight through it.</p><p>The last thought John Murphy has before he fades from consciousness, is that at least he isn't screaming.</p><p>---</p><p>July 9th 2149: Arc Station, Earth Orbit</p><p>He hadn't seen Shumway in two days. </p><p>It wasn't that strange, all guards had to do their rotation in lockup so they tended to go through a lot of new faces, but he normally put in an appearance at least once a day. </p><p>Yesterday there had been rumors going around that he'd been floated. </p><p>While normally he didn't put much stock in the lockup rumor-mill, the most popular story had him getting floated for treason and that was close enough to the truth that Murphy wondered exactly what was going on.</p><p>Raven had been busy the last few days, apparently figuring out the science behind time travel was not an easy task, and he was beginning to worry about his friend. She had spent almost every night since their arrival in his cell, studying him in every way she could think of, but ever since the night with her makeshift M-Cap machine she had seemed particularly focused on something that she had refused to share with him.</p><p>Every time he saw her, the bags under her eyes seemed more and more pronounced and he wondered whether she was getting any sleep at all.</p><p>It wasn't like life in lock-up was easy, aggravating guards and continuous questions about the obvious physical changes from his fellow inmates annoyed him, but compared to the last hundred years it felt like a damn vacation. Honestly the worst part of it all was the waiting and not knowing. Unlike those around him, he knew how harried the next few years would be and, surprising even himself, he was impatient to get to work already.</p><p>Blinking quickly to clear the thoughts from his mind, he quickly got out of bed and stood at attention by the wall as a guard approached the cell door.</p><p>Too tired to offer his normal attitude, Murphy doesn't even look up as he yawned tiredly and follows the guard leading him to the visitation center. </p><p>After a few minutes tiredly shuffling along, Murphy notices that, while they are headed toward the visitation center, the guard is taking a very circuitous route. </p><p>The way he is being led seems to bypass every guard checkpoint and most of the cameras between his cell and the visitation center. </p><p>Looking up at the guard leading him, he sees a tall sandy haired boy, broad shouldered and strong, who looks vaguely familiar. Keeping his pace even, Murphy begins working on the cuffs encircling his wrists. </p><p>It only takes a moment for him to snap the ties, and once he is sure no one can tell he is free, he speaks, "Hey you're Miller's boy, aren't you? Bryn, right? No Bryan."</p><p>"Yep," the boy replies cheerfully, "You know Nate?" </p><p>Bryan's pace doesn't slow, but he turns his head while he walks, flashing a large smile in John's direction, and for some reason he suddenly reminds Murphy of Russell Lightbourn's pet dog.</p><p>"We've met," John replies evasively. </p><p>The guard doesn't appear to notice John's agitation or his growing concern, but from what he'd heard about Bryan and his Pike worshipping days, the other man was anything but innocent and helpless.</p><p>"His dad said you're helping him?" Bryan continues without encouragement, "That there's going to be trouble and you're trying to make sure Nate and the others will be okay?" His earnestness just seeps out of every pore.</p><p>Murphy feels his shoulders relax marginally at that. If David Miller had sent this boy to get him, then he probably isn't going to be stabbed or beaten on the way there. Probably. </p><p>"Where are we going?" Murphy finally asks. He was pretty sure that they were headed to the visitation center to meet with Raven, but this seemed a little more elaborate than their normal meetings.</p><p>"Visitation center," Bryan replies with a shrug, "I'm not quite sure what's going on either, but David was very clear on what route I had to take to get you. He made me repeat it back to him like a hundred times." He seems annoyed that the older man had thought it necessary, and his next words reflect that, "I got it the first time, but he just thinks I'm some dumb kid dating his son."</p><p>"Is he right?" Murphy can't help the sarcastic retort that falls from his lips. </p><p>After a beat of silence, Bryan laughs in response, "Probably. But that doesn't mean I want to admit it or that I want him to think it, you know?"</p><p>A small chuckle slips through John's lips before he can stop it, and as he began to form a retort he realizes that they were already at the far entrance to the visitation room.</p><p>Usually, these meetings were just a short moment where Murphy and Raven could both feel a little less alone in the universe, more important conversation and tests left for the cover of night, but this seems different.</p><p>There is no guard waiting at the door to usher him in, but Bryan takes out a key card from his front pocket and, after quickly looking around, swiped it on the keypad beside the door. With a soft woosh, the door slides open to reveal a room filled with familiar faces, some of which he hadn't seen in years.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 7:</p><p>
  <strong>July 9th 2149: Arc Station, Earth Orbit</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>(John Murphy POV)</em>
</p><p>Bryan gives him one last smile and a friendly wave before he walks past the group gathered around Raven and enters the empty observation area.</p><p>For the first time, John can see how much work Raven must be doing during the day. He had been right; this meeting is very different. </p><p>Raven sits at their normal table speaking in hushed tones with Jacapo Sinclair and Kyle Wick. Silently observing the trio is Eric Jackson and David Miller, while Bellamy and Octavia Blake stand nearby clutching each other tightly.</p><p>Murphy hears Sinclair speaking, "I left an obvious trail. He spends half his day tracking the higher ups across the Ark so it shouldn't take long for him to show."</p><p>Raven replies in the same soft tone, "I made sure to leave a trail when I sent the files on Sydney, so by now he'll be tracking me too. If that isn't enough to draw his attention..."</p><p>He tunes them out as he sees Lt. Miller notice him and turn in his direction, holding out a small knife to cut Murphy's bound hands. Before he could take a step, Octavia looks up and sees Murphy. </p><p>Being kept in different blocks, they hadn't seen each other since their arrival and he hadn't made any attempt to seek her out. Unexpectedly, he realizes that she is a very welcome sight and as soon as she sees him, a smile crosses her face and she lets go of her brother. </p><p>Lt. Miller stops as Murphy and Octavia rushed over to each other. When they reached the center of the room, she hugs him tightly and whispers, "It's good to see you alive, cockroach."</p><p>Murphy hears the happiness in her tone and, after a second of hesitation, he loops his arms around her shoulders and hugs back just as tightly. </p><p>While he and Octavia, bloodreigna, had never been close, knowing that there were only a few people who remembered his past, created a bond. Unlike the bond he shared with Raven, he hadn't even realized this one was there until she was.</p><p>When they step back and shoot each other sheepish, yet genuine smiles, he looks over at David Miller. The man is looking at John's free hands with a rueful grin, as he shoves the small knife back in his pocket.</p><p>Murphy shrugs his shoulders and waves with a small smirk, but the man just chuckles lightly in response and starts toward the rest of the group.</p><p>"So glad you could join us Murphy," Raven says, standing smoothly from where she'd been huddled with the engineers. "You all know why we're here," she gestures around the group as they all moved closer.</p><p>"Actually," John replies, "I don't…"</p><p>Raven interrupts him before he can finish, "Everyone here knows where we came from and accepts it, to some degree," she shot Wick an annoyed glance at those words, "now we just need to figure out how to keep everyone alive."</p><p>Octavia speaks up before anyone else has a chance, "We tried that last time and it didn't work."</p><p>Raven, already on edge from lack of sleep, seems ready to blow a gasket before the woman continues, "We can't keep everyone alive, that's just not in our power. Maybe this time, we focus on keeping as many people alive as possible."</p><p>Raven releases a breath and nods, relaxing her shoulders as Octavia continues thoughtfully, "We need to remember that someone dying from events we can't control, is very different than killing them. We ignored that last time and it tore us apart. </p><p>"How we survive matters too," Raven whispers in agreement.</p><p>"Right," nodded Octavia, "It isn't just about the test either. The things we did to survive..." she trails off with a shaky breath, unable to continue, as thoughts of war, death and things that should have stayed buried beneath the earth flash through her mind</p><p>"Well then," Murphy claps his hands together with a falsely cheerful smile, "we might want to deal with the 100 or so kids about to be sent to their deaths, or the culling, maybe stop a rebellion or two."</p><p>The remainder of the group are watching the three travelers, trying to follow along, but at Murphy's words they simultaneously blanch and begin to fire off questions.</p><p>"Rebellion or two?"</p><p>"What about my son?"</p><p>"Culling? What culling?"</p><p>Raven held up a hand for silence before she spoke, "In this time, Diana Sydney is already planning a rebellion. In just a few months, when she realizes that earth is survivable, she is going to take the Exodus ship, leaving the rest of us to die."</p><p>"Bitch," Wick mutters spitefully.</p><p>Looking directly at Wick, John adds, "She doesn't make it. The Exodus ship crashes to Earth. No survivors."</p><p>His words shook some of the group, but Sinclair had obviously been told this before, so he waits only a moment before speaking up, "What about keeping the delinquents alive? How exactly are we going to manage that?"</p><p>Raven brushes that off more casually than Sinclair expected, "We need Clarke for that, but she won't show up until drop day."</p><p>Murphy and Octavia nodded firmly in agreement. Whatever happened, whatever changed in their lives and no matter how many times they screwed up, they needed Clarke to do this right.</p><p>All three travelers knew that, without Clarke and Bellamy, they had no hope of being able to do what needed to be done. That was, after all, why Bellamy was here.</p><p>Even Raven had made her peace with the woman, before Cadogan had changed everything. Say what you would about Clarke, and Murphy had said a lot, at the end of the world, there was no one else they would rather have on their side.</p><p>"For now we do what we can," Octavia says firmly.</p><p>"And Clarke can fix it when she finally decides to show up," Murphy adds helpfully, leaning back against a nearby table.</p><p>Bellamy finally speaks up, unhelpfully in Murphy's opinion, "Why are we waiting on Clarke to make a plan? What's the point in being here if you aren't going to do anything?"</p><p>Silence falls across the group and Murphy can tell that the other travelers don't seem to know how to explain something that seems so simple to them. How to explain the years of who is your leader and doubting her and being saved by her? How odd that Murphy would be defending her from Bellamy.</p><p>"Clarke Griffin…" he trailed off thoughtfully, seriously thinking about the girl he once knew, and the woman she grew into, as a look of uncharacteristic and serious respect came over his face.</p><p>"I've lived almost 150 years, give or take a cryosleep, and I've met a lot of people," his words are slow to come, but he is sure of them when they do, "A lot of people claim that they will do anything for their people, but really they want to be the good guy or they are just trying to survive. But she is the only person I've met who always proved her dedication to her people. Every damn time" </p><p>He shakes his head, looking into their confused faces, frustrated as he realized why this was so hard, "From your perspective, asking why Clarke Griffin matters seems like a valid question. From ours," his gesture included Octavia, Raven and himself, "that question has been answered a thousand times over. The future of the entire human race lives or dies on the will of Clarke Griffin. Whether she likes it or not." </p><p>A dark look passes over his face with those words, all the times that he had stood against the woman coming to the forefront of his mind.</p><p>"You're making her out to be a god," Wick points out seriously.</p><p>All three travelers let out a bark of laughter, a dark glimpse into their thoughts, causing the others to exchange worried glances.</p><p>How could Murphy explain that to some, mostly grounders, but others as well, she might as well have been one.</p><p>The silence stretched until Octavia finally speaks up, voice quiet and sure, "Once upon a time, 48 children were stolen by the mountain. They were fed treats and lies to prepare them for slaughter, for their fate was to be the same as all who are taken by the mountain."</p><p>For a moment it seems like Wick might interrupt her, but one glance at the stoney faces of the three travelers is enough to make him hold back and listen to Octavia's story,</p><p>"One girl could not be fooled by simple tricks. She saw through their lies, fought and escaped from the mountain, and gathered her people. She marched an army upon the mountain, determined to free everyone inside.</p><p>But she was betrayed. </p><p>Her army abandoned her, leaving her standing alone before the might of the mountain," the entire group was hanging on every word, even those who had lived through it. </p><p>"She stood alone, facing the mountain that armies had tried and failed to take. But she had sworn to save her people. With no other choice, she marched on alone; straight into the heart of the mountain. There, she faced the mountain men and gave them a choice. Free my people or die. </p><p>But the mountain was foolish, sure that one girl could not destroy them, and they refused her offer of peace. </p><p>So she commanded death to walk among them. </p><p>And as the mountain fell, along with every man, woman and child inside, Wanheda was born. Thus the world learned that there is nothing so foolish as to stand between Wanheda and her people."</p><p>For a moment it seemed like everyone was holding their breath, terrified to break the silence after Octavia's story.</p><p>"A long time ago, a grounder family told me their legend of Clarke. They called her Wanheda, the Commander of Death. That is one of the best versions of the story that I've heard, and close enough to the truth," Octavia clears her throat softly as she finishes.</p><p>After it's clear that no one else will, Murphy speaks up, "She's not a god," Wick raises his eyebrows at John incredulously, "but a lot of people thought she was. Sometimes we hated her for it, screamed and begged to get her to stop, but she always saved us."</p><p>"Even when it cost her everything, Clarke Griffin never broke," Raven whispers finally, eyes shining with unshed tears.</p><p>Murphy catches the glance shared between Octavia and Raven, but something in their eyes, a deep sadness mixed with genuine fear, made him think of Bellamy and Madi. </p><p>He hadn't gotten the full story, but he'd heard enough. He knew that Raven and Octavia had both been there when Clarke finally found Madi on Bardo, that Madi had been near enough to dead because of the information Bellamy had given Cadogan. Seeing the look in their eyes, he knows with certainty that he does not want to hear the rest of that story.</p><p>But Jackson had always been quick and he didn't share Murphy's caution, "It cost her everything?"</p><p>Murphy looks over at the man, concern for Clarke, the girl he had watched grow, written on his face, but doesn't respond. The others completely refuse to meet his gaze.</p><p>It is Raven who finally speaks up, tracing invisible patterns on the tabletop, not moving her head an inch, "Clarke sacrificed a lot for us. By the end of it, even though there wasn't much left of the human race, Clarke had killed or died to save all of us at least once."</p><p>"She experimented on herself, a test that had already killed someone, to save the woman I love," Murphy volunteers, not mentioning the anger that he'd held onto for so long over that.</p><p>"She tried to help me stop a massacre," Octavia adds, "and when we couldn't, she sacrificed a boy she loved to stop a war."</p><p>Raven flinched so hard that the others in the room stared at her with concern until she spoke, "In the early days, I got shot." </p><p>This time it is Murphy who flinches, I got shot echoing in his head, and Raven shoots him a sad smile, filled with all the understanding and trust they had built, before continuing, "In the middle of a battle, outnumbered 3 to 1 by experienced warriors, she risked everything to get the medicine that saved my life."</p><p>Murphy is reminded so much of the ring, of sitting around with his family and honoring the woman who had stayed behind to save their lives, that he speaks without thinking, "When the earth burned again, and my family was left outside to die, she stayed behind to make sure that we could all get to safety."</p><p>Her voice cracked, but Raven needed to say it, "And then we took her daughter and tried to make her into a god too. Forced her child to lead all of us, to make the same choices that Clarke had been forced to make." </p><p>Tears were running down Raven's face and a part of Murphy was screaming at her to stop. Some things they didn't talk about. Some things were just too painful to talk about. </p><p>But, he stays silent and she keeps talking, "Even after we destroyed her child and got her killed, Clarke fought for us, tried to save everyone."</p><p>With a sinking feeling in his gut, horrified eyes locked on Raven, he finally connected the dots and realized what had killed Madi after all. They had. Just can't stop killing the Griffin girls, his mind whispers.</p><p>His family had done this when they forced the flame on her, they had destroyed her mind, set her up for a life of pain and an early death. Just as Clarke had screamed, all those years ago. They had been so angry with Clarke, but they killed her child.</p><p>Sinclair looks up struggling with everything that had been said, "Her child?" </p><p>Murphy could tell the man was trying to understand, trying to fathom Clarke with a child and then to imagine his protege being responsible for that child's death.</p><p>"It was my fault," Octavia said in a defeated tone, pulling Raven into an embrace as the other woman weeps silently.</p><p>"If it weren't for me, they wouldn't have needed a leader so badly. I couldn't handle my own failure, my own weakness, and I was willing to kill Clarke to get what I wanted. Madi, along with the rest of the world, paid the price for my faults." The words are spoken in a low tone, directly in Raven's ear, but they carried in the stillness of the room.</p><p>"This is not on you, Raven," Octavia murmurs.</p><p>Of course, Bellamy stepped forward to defend his sister, his responsibility, "Stop Octavia. It wasn't your fault. Where was I during all this?"</p><p>Octavia and Raven turn to him together, stricken faces unable to hide how much of the blame laid with the other him, with the choices he would have made.</p><p>Only David Miller, ever observant, sees the angry glare Murphy shoots Bellamy, as memories of the other man's choices fill his mind.</p><p>Bellamy looks from Raven to Octavia, trying to reconcile the man that he is now, with the man who would be responsible for this child's death.</p><p>"What did I do?" </p><p>His tone, righteous and demanding, strikes Murphy like a physical blow. </p><p>Lost in his reeling emotions, he almost misses Octavia's answer, "Bell, it's not that simple. The world was falling apart around you. You didn't know what would happen." </p><p>With everyone focused on the devastated trio, only Lt. Miller seems to notice Murphy's struggle, taking a half-step closer to the young man.</p><p>Murphy isn't sure he can take much more of this, he can feel the anger and despair building, fire spreading through his mind.</p><p>When Bellamy only looks at her in forceful silence, Octavia looks away and continues softly, still clutching Raven like a lifeline, "It was your idea. Put the flame in her head. Make her their leader. To have me overthrown without my death. Bell, I did terrible things..."</p><p>"I wouldn't," Bellamy interrupts her, stumbling back, "I couldn't do that."</p><p>There is revulsion on his face, but a sick sort of understanding as well. Bellamy had always known that he would do anything for his sister. My sister, my responsibility. </p><p>But all Murphy hears is the denial. All he sees is Bellamy, looking so much like he had in those last moments on Sanctum. When he'd been so righteous, so sure about betraying his family and everything he had fought and killed for.</p><p>All Murphy sees is Clarke, sobbing in the woods on Earth, when they should have finally been happy, as she told them what Bellamy had found, what she had done. When she had stood, a broken woman, waiting for their judgement, expecting them to turn on her once again.</p><p>Murphy had loved Bellamy. His brother in every way that mattered. But he loved Madi, and Clarke, too. </p><p>From the moment she'd popped out of nowhere, rushing to save Clarke and giving them her trust, he had accepted her as one of them. She was family. </p><p>But then they learned she was Clarke's child, so they had expected more from her. They had ignored that she was a child and expected her to be Clarke, to sacrifice like Clarke sacrificed. </p><p>The worst part was that she had been willing, as willing as Clarke ever was, when she was forced to sacrifice. Without a single care for her own well-being, she had taken the flame because Bellamy had told her it was the only way to save her mother.</p><p>And when Clarke had tried to save her child, they had condemned her for it. Told her that she was selfish, that she wasn't willing to make the hard choices anymore. That she wasn't family anymore.</p><p>Bellamy had done that.</p><p>The words spill from his lips without thought, too caught up in his memories to care that this Bellamy had never even met Clarke.</p><p>"You wouldn't huh?" Murphy's lip curled in distaste and he looks at Bellamy like the other man had once looked at him. Disgusted at how easy it was to betray his people.</p><p>Eyes snap to Murphy as everyone seems to sense the danger radiating off of him in waves, "Wouldn't promise your best friend that you would protect her child, right before you betrayed her? You left her bleeding in handcuffs, begging you to stop, as you took her child and put her before an army, telling them that she would save them all!" </p><p>As he speaks, Murphy strides toward Bellamy, grabbing him by the collar and pushing him back, "Or maybe it's the later stuff you wouldn't do, huh? Maybe you wouldn't apologize, promise to keep Madi safe, and then ignore it as the machine you put in her head destroys her?"</p><p>Murphy is shaking. He could feel hands pulling at his back, but he shrugs them off as he screams at the dead man in front of him. </p><p>"Oh I know," sarcasm laced every word, "you wouldn't betray everyone you ever loved, everyone who ever loved you! Or turn Clarke and Octavia over to Cadogan without the slightest hesitation, willing to let them die for your psychotic cult leader! And when we all could have been free, when we could have had peace, you wouldn't turn your back on us then, would you?"</p><p>A blow to the head makes Murphy lose his grip on Bellamy and he could feel Lt. Miller pulling him back until he was wrapped in the other man's arms, unable to move. </p><p>He doesn't struggle as he is pulled back, but his eyes focus on Bellamy's as he deals the killing blow in a voice so quiet it cut, "But when you had the chance to protect Madi, you didn't. You turned her in, told Cadogan everything, and he raped her mind until there was nothing left of her at all. Until Clarke had to put a bullet in your heart to save her child, and not even your sister could blame her."</p><p>And Murphy couldn't bring himself to care as he watched his once brother collapse under the weight of his words, under the weight of who he would become.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>September 14th 2149: Drop ship Camp, Earth</strong>
</p><p>Her talk with Murphy was going to have to wait.</p><p>Charlotte points her toward the dropship before she scampers off in Miller's direction, but when Clarke pulls the curtain aside and pops her head in, he is nowhere in sight.</p><p>Clarke keeps her emotions firmly under control as she sees Finn and Jasper climbing down the ladder from the second floor.</p><p>Neither boy seems to notice her as they banter back and forth, snippets of conversation floating over her.</p><p>Pushing images of a bloody knife and a thanks princess from her mind Clarke clears her throat, making both boys jump as they turn to her.</p><p>"You're back," Jasper cries excitedly, a lightness present in his face that had disappeared long before his death.</p><p>Refusing to focus on the past had never been so hard, but Clarke pushes it aside for later and speaks, "Where's Murphy?"</p><p>"Dunno," Jasper replies with a shrug, "he left camp early this morning. Bellamy might know, Roma saw them talking before he slipped out."</p><p>Clarke nods and turns from them without a word, determined to find Murphy before she said something she shouldn't.</p><p>"I'm sorry," the voice is soft and familiar. Finn continues when she doesn't speak or begin to walk away, "about Jaha. I know you were friends."</p><p>Her throat tightens and she can feel her shoulders tense but she doesn't turn back as she nods tightly. After a moment no one speaks, so without another word she stumbles back down the dropship ramp and out into the sunlight.</p><p>Taking a deep breath to settle herself, Clarke looks up to the wall surrounding the camp, tracing it with her eyes until she spots a familiar figure standing guard on the east side.</p><p>Refusing to deal with the lance of pain that shoots through her everytime she sees him is proving to be more difficult than she could have dreamed.</p><p>She can feel eyes on her as she walks. No one has stopped working, but whispered conversation and darting eyes show concern as she begins slipping through the rows of tents and making her way toward Bellamy.</p><p>She can feel the burning in her hand through the cloth covering it as she climbs the wall and as she nears the top a hand appears hovering above her.</p><p>Clarke doesn't say a word as she climbs past the hand and pulls herself up to sit next to him.</p><p>Dark hooded eyes meet her gaze and bile rises in her throat as she considers the man before her.</p><p>"Looking for Murphy?" He asks as he turns his gaze back to the woods surrounding them. "He's not here. Left this morning with enough rations for 3 days, said he was going to find a friend."</p><p>For a moment Clarke feels concern fill her, "A friend?"</p><p>Bellamy nods in response.</p><p>"Murphy doesn't have friends," she mutters before realizing who he would risk leaving camp to find.</p><p>For a moment they sit in silence. Bellamy watches the woods around them while she watches him. She can tell that there's something on his mind but Bellamy never talks before he is ready, so she contents herself with sitting and waiting. It's been a long time since she was able to just sit and enjoy the morning sunlight.</p><p>Finally he opens his mouth to speak, before closing it again sharply and shooting a quick look her way.</p><p>Once more he opens his mouth to speak before a loud scream rings through the air.</p><p>They lock eyes for a moment before they both start searching for the source of the noise.</p><p>It's not hard to spot. A crowd is gathering around a boy collapsed on the ground by the wall, even from here Clarke can see the pool of blood forming around him.</p><p>A voice shouts "Get him to the dropship," and Clarke doesn't waste any time as she jumps down from the wall and rushes over, Bellamy only a step behind her.</p><p>As they reach the dropship she once again meets his gaze and Bellamy nods, ready to follow her instructions.</p><p>"Bring him over here," Clarke orders the pack of teens carrying a bleeding Atom, pointing toward the table set up on the ground floor of the dropship.</p><p>As they quickly move to follow her instructions, Clarke grabs the small bottle of whisky off of the makeshift shelf nearby. And where did they get that? Pouring a small amount on her hands and bringing the rest over to the table for Atom's leg, she waves her hands out and the group scatters.</p><p>She can hear Bellamy directing them from his position near the door, but she tunes it out and focuses on the sharpened stick piercing through the leg in front of her. Clarke gently raises his leg and turns on the set of flashlights that have been hung around the table.</p><p>Atom is looking at his leg worriedly, but Monty slips the boy something from his pocket and he suddenly wasn't feeling much pain.</p><p>The stick was thin, likely meant to be an arrow rather than a spear, but it had pierced all the way through the meat of his calf.</p><p>"I can fix it," Clarke looks at Atom as she speaks, "but you'll be off it for as long as possible. No running for a full week at least."</p><p>The boy meets her gaze and nods seriously. His eyes look a little glazed and as Fox grabs his hand, watching from the opposite side of the table, he smiles at her in a daze.</p><p>"What did Monty give him?" Bellamy asks as he comes to stand by her side, holding a basket full of boiled cloths for her to use.</p><p>"I'm not sure, to be honest," she replies absently, "but I'd bet Monty slipped him a jobi nut."</p><p>He snorts in amused exasperation as they settle into position, him holding Atom's leg in place, as she prepares to pull the arrow out and stem the bleeding.</p><p>"Ready?"</p><p>Bellamy nods and braces himself. Sure enough, jobi nuts or no, as soon as Clarke pulls the arrow out, Atom lets out a sharp cry and tries to jerk his leg away. But Bellamy seems to know what he is doing and the leg stays firmly on the table, barely moving an inch.</p><p>Atom watches, thoroughly dazed, as they work quickly, Clarke sewing a row of neat stitches on each side of the leg while Bellamy uses one hand to hold the leg in place, the other using a damp boiled towel to mop up the blood in front of her so she could see. </p><p>Within 15 minutes, Atom is bandaged and sent on his way; Monty and Fox ruefully accepting babysitting duty for the foreseeable future.</p><p>As the injured boy throws his arms around the other two and they begin to hobble down the ramp, Bellamy walks over to the bucket of water by the door, bending down to wash his hands.</p><p>Clarke pauses in her cleaning to call after the three teens, "Make sure he keeps it clean and dry."</p><p>"Yes Mom," came Monty's sarcastic reply.</p><p>Clarke's heart skips a beat but she just rolls her eyes and continues cleaning up as Bellamy chuckles in amusement, rolling his shoulders and standing.</p><p>Silence falls in the dropship as Clarke and Bellamy are left alone once again. Unwilling or unable to talk to this strange version of her best friend, Clarke leans down and begins to scrub her hands in the other bucket of water. </p><p>She can see the blood rinsing, floating off her hands and tainting the water as it mixes. Images of all the times she had washed her hands clean of blood in her mind.</p><p>She feels Bellamy move behind her, his hand nearly brushes her shoulder, a reminder that she is not alone, and she flinches violently, taking several steps back as she meets Bellamy's gaze.</p><p>His hand still hovers in the air where she had been, face full of pain as he clenches his fist and slowly lowers it to his side.</p><p>"I won't hurt you, you know," he finally says, not looking away.</p><p>"I know," she replies softly.</p><p>From the look in his eyes she can tell that he doesn't believe her. To be fair, she doesn't either.</p><p>"I'm sorry," he says, at last.</p><p>She tilts her head to the side and considers him for a moment. This was neither the man she had known back in the early dropship days, nor the man she had killed on Sanctum. He was different somehow.</p><p>"Sorry for what?" She finally replies.</p><p>Bellamy's face fills with guilt but before he can answer they hear voices crying out.</p><p>"Murphy's back!"</p><p>"Who's that with him?"</p><p>Moment broken, Clarke and Bellamy finally look away and head for the commotion at the gate.</p><p>As she approaches, the crowd parts before her and she sees Murphy racing through the trees, a limp figure in his arms with one covered hand hanging down.</p><p>---</p><p>Murphy had refused to leave her side and Clarke couldn't blame him. After everything he and Emori had been through she didn't think he would willing leave her ever again.</p><p>"She was waiting for me in our cave," Murphy finally says tightly, "She's been attacked."</p><p>"By who?" Clarke replies with narrowed eyes. Emori was family and no matter what, Clarke wouldn't lose her family again.</p><p>"Doesn't matter," Murphy shakes his head tiredly. "It's because of this," he says as he clenches her hand tighter, "she is forbidden from coming beyond the waste."</p><p>"Not anymore," Clarke states firmly, "Emori is Frikdreina no more. She is Wonkru and an attack on one of us is an attack on all of us."</p><p>Murphy nods gratefully and turns back to Emori with a look of fierce protectiveness.</p><p>They remain in silence as Clarke spreads the last of the red seaweed paste on her wound and moves to wash her hands once more.</p><p>"We met Lincoln," she says at last, not wanting to leave Murphy until Emori awoke.</p><p>He looks around as if just now noticing her absence, "Where's Octavia?"</p><p>"I sent her after him. We need to know what the grounders are doing. She'll report back when she can but there is no one else who knows TonDC like her, or who could watch without being seen," Clarke responds, unsure how he will react to her taking charge again.</p><p>But just like Octavia, he offered no argument, "You're probably right. Besides, I don't know that anyone could have stopped her from following."</p><p>"Here," Murphy says, fumbling for his bag with one hand, the other still clutching Emori's tightly, "I made a stop at Finn's bunker on the way."</p><p>He tosses the bag toward her and she opens it up to see a mixture of supplies inside, candles, blankets and other small items that would come in handy. Nestled at the bottom of the bag, as if was the first thing Murphy had grabbed, is a handful of coloured pencils and a drawing book.</p><p>Clarke feels her heart swell, an odd mixture of pain and love, as she thinks of the first time she had been given these, and the care Murphy had taken to bring them too her once more.</p><p>"Thank you," she whispers at last, throat tight with emotion.</p><p>Neither of them had ever been good with emotional moments, so he just nods in understanding and turns back to Emori.</p><p>Silence surounds them once more. Night had fallen outside and the faint noise of a crackling fire and crickets chirping were the only sounds filtering in.</p><p>Eventually Clarke pulls the book and pencils from the bag. With nothing to do but wait, she needs something to busy her hands. Meanwhile, Murphy seems perfectly content to stare forcefully down at Emori, as if he could wake her with willpower alone.</p><p>For a moment, she stares at the blank paper in front of her. Part of her wanted to draw Madi, but the only image that came to mind was one she'd rather forget. Instead she draws a world that will never be.</p><p>She starts with Octavia at the dropship door, the rest of the 100 gathered behind her, as she stares in wonder at the greenery around her.</p><p>On and on, page after page is filled as Clarke loses herself drawing in a way she hasn't since the valley. Since she filled a book, so much like this one, full of her friends and family. So Madi would know them and Clarke would never forget.</p><p>Hours pass as they wait, but Clarke hardly notices until she hears a faint hitch in Emori's breathing and Murphy starts calling her name. </p><p>He doesn't let out the breath he's been holding until Emori's eyes flicker open and she meets his gaze with a small smile.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Translation: Shut up! That's enough. You watch the prisoner. I need to talk to John.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>July 9th 2149: Arc Station, Earth Orbit</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>(John Murphy POV)</em>
</p><p>Miller wouldn't let him go. Murphy isn't quite sure what he would do if the other man did. Bellamy, sitting dazedly in the corner, didn't look up, staring into the distance as if he was trying to see into the future, trying to see what he would become.</p><p>"You're not a monster Bell," Octavia finally whispers, "You didn't know."</p><p>He looks toward his sister, desperate to believe her words, but she doesn't meet his gaze.</p><p>"Murphy," Raven is looking at him, eyes full of understanding as she stands and shakes her head, "we don't have time for this."</p><p>As if in response to her words, the radio hanging from Lt. Miller's belt emits a burst of static before Bryan's voice comes through, "He's coming and he's alone."</p><p>The older guard looks to Raven, waiting for her nod, before giving Murphy one last pat on the back and moving to stand by the door.</p><p>Murphy dusts off his clothes, raising his hands in surrender, and glances at Bellamy but the other man is still sitting in a daze, so he turns to Raven as he speaks, "Who?"</p><p>"Kane," Raven replies with a grimace, "we need him."</p><p>"He won't help us Raven," Murphy replies firmly. This Kane would likely be more of a hindrance than a help.</p><p>"Not this Kane," Octavia agrees, looking hesitant.</p><p>"We don't have long," Raven says as she walks over to a covered table on the far side of the room.</p><p>"With the rebellion, the culling and drop day we need someone we can trust. We need someone who can take charge up here without putting all of us in danger. We need Kane," she finishes as she pulls the sheet off the table.</p><p>Murphy can see Raven's M-CAP machine resting innocently on the table and he starts to get a sick feeling in his gut.</p><p>"Are you sure you can do this?" Murphy asks. There is a sick feeling in his gut but he doesn't ask the question he wants to, is she sure they should do this?</p><p>There is no response.</p><p>"Why not Jaha," Jackson asks suddenly, "He's Chancellor. If we got him on our side…"</p><p>"No!" Murphy and Octavia both snap, instantly on alert.</p><p>"Jaha cannot be trusted," Octavia says firmly.</p><p>"It has to be Kane," Raven states in the same tone. "It's our only choice," she continues, softer, as she meets Murphy's gaze.</p><p>She looks away first, how many times had it been their only choice?</p><p>Suddenly the door slides open, Kane steps through and they are out of time.</p><p>For a moment he looks triumphant, clearly on the warpath, thinking he's caught them. But it quickly fades into a look of confusion as he takes in the various people around the room.</p><p>"Lt. Miller, Dr. Jackson," Kane says with authority, "I didn't expect you to be here."</p><p>Neither Miller nor Jackson respond, and they don't meet Kane's gaze as he stands silently in place. Eventually Kane looks at Raven and Sinclair, standing beside her machine. </p><p>He can tell he's missing something but Kane had never backed down before and he wasn't going to do so now. So he takes a step forward, intent on confronting them, sure of his authority but he stops as the lock clicks behind him, green light turning red.</p><p>He tenses, unsure as Lt. Miller steps to block the door, "What is this?"</p><p>No one speaks and the silence stretches. Murphy can't believe they are already here, sacrificing the few for the many, and they weren't even off the Ark yet.</p><p>"Sinclair?" Kane looks for answers, but the other man turns to look at Raven rather than responding.</p><p>Unsure yet wary Kane follows his gaze. Raven stands, meeting his gaze, and before anyone can blink Kane draws his pistol and trains it on her.</p><p>Without thought, Murphy moves to stand in front of her and Kane doesn't hesitate before focusing on him.</p><p>Murphy can hear Jackson's choked noise as he holds his hands up and speaks, "Look, whatever you think is going on here, you're wrong." </p><p>He can see Lt. Miller behind Kane but he focuses his eyes on the man pointing the gun at him.</p><p>Kane's tone is almost conversational as he responds, "I know that Rheyas here sent me some very accurate information regarding a rebellion on this ship. What I would like to know is how you acquired this information." When no one responds he continues, "I know you've been sneaking into lockup nearly every night for the last week, surprisingly not to see your boyfriend Finn Collins. What I don't know is why."</p><p>"Look man," Murphy says, hands still raised, "If you put down the gun we can explain everything. No one needs to get hurt."</p><p>Kane doesn't have a chance to respond before Lt. Miller strikes from behind. </p><p>The first blow to the head makes him drop the pistol and turn, but he has no chance to fight back as the guard strikes again with his shock lance and Kane falls to the floor with a sharp cry.</p><p>Quickly, Murphy rushes forward picking up the gun and turning it on the man groaning on the floor.</p><p>The others don't move, looking unsure as they watch, but Raven steps forward with authority.</p><p>"Get him in the chair and tie him up," she barks. But Miller doesn't move, frozen and staring at his friend groaning on the floor.</p><p>"Now," she barks again, louder, and it's Octavia who finally moves over to Kane and reaches down to pull him up.</p><p>As soon as she is within reach he tries to pull her toward him, but Octavia twists his arm and slams his head into the metal floor, with very little effort, before wrenching him to his feet. Seeing Kane attack his sister, Bellamy finally comes out of his daze, rushing to grab Kane's other arm and helping Octavia wrestle him into the plastic chair resting beside Raven's machine.</p><p>Sinclair, Jackson, Wick and Lt. Miller don't move to stop the siblings, but they don't try to help either, so Murphy doesn't let them out of sight as he keeps the pistol steadily trained on Kane. </p><p>The man doesn't seem like much of a threat as Bellamy ties him down and Octavia relieves him of his weapons, but Murphy knows Kane is a fighter so he doesn't relax his grip even when the man is fully tied and disarmed.</p><p>Kane looks around at them, blood soaking his face from Octavia slamming it into the floor, before locking eyes with Murphy.</p><p>"You should lower that weapon, son. If you don't know how to use it, it won't do you much good anyway."</p><p>Murphy can see the struggle in the other man's eyes and, if he'd been the same delinquent he was before, it would be justified. That boy would have pulled the trigger without a second thought</p><p>But everything had changed, Murphy had changed. So instead of scoffing at the man's use of the word son, he just nods slightly, keeping his hands and voice steady as he replies, "At this distance it doesn't really matter if I know how to use it, so don't try anything Kane."</p><p>"Is anyone going to tell me what's going on here?" Kane finally snaps, frustrated. A far cry from the serene man he would become. "What's your plan here?" There is derision in his voice as he continues, "You've just assaulted a high level officer of the Ark. That's a capital punishment, you'll all be executed!"</p><p>"The world is so much bigger than you imagine Kane," Octavia replies deeply, eyes compassionate, "If we tried to explain what we're doing, you'd never understand."</p><p>Kane looks to Sinclair and Lt. Miller, the two who, in his mind, should be in charge here, "And you? What could persuade you of all people to commit treason? To betray your people?"</p><p>The older men both look away, unsure and unable to explain, before Raven scoffs, "They betrayed no one. Don't be so dramatic Kane. We aren't going to kill you. But we do need your help."</p><p>Sinclair and Miller straighten, remembering the plan, as Kane pulls at his bound hands and looks to Raven, "If you wanted my help you probably shouldn't have attacked me and tied me to a damned chair!"</p><p>The man isn't panicking, but Murphy sees the anger in his eyes as he struggles with his bonds, so he clicks the safety off and speaks with authority, "Don't."</p><p>Kane stops trying to free himself for the moment, looking at John and analyzing him, finally seeking to notice the changes in the younger man.</p><p>"As Octavia said, you wouldn't believe us if we told you. So we're going to show you," Murphy continues, ready to tell the man everything.</p><p>"Shof op! Em pleni." Raven snaps at him in Trig before looking to Octavia, "Yu ai op de honon. Ai gon shish em in John."</p><p>So John hands the gun off to Octavia and walks over to Raven. Not bothering to keep out of earshot, they speak in a mixture of Trig and English as Kane looks on in confusion and concern.</p><p>"What aren't you telling me?" The nagging feeling in his gut hasn't gone away since he'd walked into this room. She doesn't respond immediately, studying him seriously. </p><p>Raven tended to be overtly blunt in most situations, usually to an alarming degree. However, when she needed to get John to do something, particularly something he didn't want to do, she always held back as long as possible. She would only surprise him with it when she ran out of time or felt like she could bully him into it.</p><p>"We'll give them something."</p><p>"All they want is Finn"</p><p>"Finn wasn't the only one at the village."</p><p>"They want a murderer? We'll give them one."</p><p>A different time and the pain has almost faded, even as he remembers.</p><p>"How are you going to do this Raven?" Murphy asks finally, "You said something before, about using the chip to make someone remember?"</p><p>She nodded, taking a breath, "There seems to be a temporal anomaly in the magnetic field surrounding your chip. Think of it like a piece of our time, a piece of where we came from." She explains, "I wanted to extend it, to use it, combined with my M-Cap machine, to bring the memories of other people through."</p><p>He nods, following along as she continues, "The Second Dawn machine was a work of art. I've never imagined anything that can analyze and alter a mind like that. Mine isn't as good," always the perfectionist, "but I was able to use it to analyze how your new memories organized themselves without repeatedly hemorrhaging your brain and I think I can replicate it." </p><p>She tries again at his confused look, "I can force the new memories to organize themselves in a way that allows the conscious brain to access the memories, without causing permanent brain damage."</p><p>That he understands, "I'm not seeing the problem here Raven."</p><p>She takes another deep breath before speaking once more, "That's what I wanted to do, and for the most part I succeeded, but the brain can't survive the initial shock. I've tried over and over, but it never works."</p><p>Murphy had never felt pain like the nights Raven came into his cell, so it doesn't surprise him when she continues, "Anyone else would have died, but you didn't."</p><p>"Because of the mind drive," he whispers with realization, fear slamming into him as he realizes what she's saying.</p><p>"I need the drive Murphy," she says.</p><p>"No," the rebuttal is automatic and loud in the silent room.</p><p>Kane startles, eyeing them and Raven's machine in turn, eyes worried.</p><p>"You'll still be you," she tries to reassure him quickly, "You'll still have all your memories, brain intact."</p><p>"If I let you take it out, you won't put it back in," It's not a question but John still wishes she would deny it.</p><p>She doesn't.</p><p>For a moment he wants to scream and rage. He knows that she deliberately waited until after they had already taken Kane to tell him this. At this point, if they couldn't make the man remember, then they would likely be floated or be forced to start killing their own people already. And while John had always been heavily influenced by fear, he had never been ruled by it. </p><p>Now, as Raven asks him to give up his only protection, his Sanctum born fear of death is heavy and unyielding.</p><p>Seeming to read his thoughts, she lays a hand on his arm as she speaks truthfully and bluntly, "Even if you die with it in your head John, no one is bringing you back."</p><p>She senses the moment that he gives in, as he always does.</p><p>"You'd probably kill me yourself if someone did," he mutters snarkily.</p><p>Without blinking, eyes dead serious she replies, "Damn right I would."</p><p>With a heavy sigh he nods, turning back to the others gathered in the room.</p><p>All of them, except for Octavia, had been listening carefully and Wick was clearly trying to understand Trig, muttering certain words to himself as he tried to dissect the language.</p><p>"Alright," Murphy says in a mockingly joyful tone, "let's do this."</p><p>Jackson nods and steps forward, pulling a medical tray out from under Raven's machine and setting it on the nearby table. "Lay down here, face down," he says while pulling on a pair of sterile gloves.</p><p>Surprisingly Kane doesn't say a word as John lies down, but as Jackson grabs the scalpel from the tray and leans over him, Murphy hears a shuffling followed by a muffled grunt. The older man had struggled to free himself before Octavia smacked him with the butt of the gun, quieting him immediately.</p><p>There is a sharp pain in the back of his neck as the scalpel digs in, but he is distracted from the pain by the sounds beside him.</p><p>"Jackson stop!" Kane shrieks as he watches the young doctor cut into a teenage boy. But he is ignored as Jackson quickly puts the scalpel down and uses a pair of forceps to dig even deeper into the boy's neck.</p><p>For a moment, all Kane can see is blood, but as Jackson turns to drop something onto the tray beside him, he sees a small blue and white computer chip with an infinity symbol etched on the side.</p><p>Jackson turns to stitch up his patient and Kane looks back to Raven as she gently picks up the chip and wipes it down.</p><p>For the first time, there is fear in his eyes as he considers what they might do to him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Translation: Shut up! That's enough. You watch the prisoner. I need to talk to John.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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